


Orange Skies, Desolated Halls, and a Million Reasons to Stay Inside

by wellthisisprettyrisque (collettephinz)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Gore, Happy Ending, M/M, None of them die, Ray Toro is always a badass, Ryan Ross is surprisingly a badass, Zombies, a lot of pining for coffee though, awesome knowledge on zombies, dismal knowledge of LA streets, everyone else unsurprisingly isn't, except Ray Toro, i promise none of them die, just another apocalypse AU, none of the main characters that is, oddly enough there's not coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1912302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/wellthisisprettyrisque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fact that the world ended the night before Frank's birthday was a sick twist of a joke in itself. </p><p>Gerard figured that if the zombie apocalypse was going to happen any day in the month of October, it damn well better be on the fucking 31st, because what sick god made the world end by corpse the fucking day before Halloween? </p><p>Then there was the fact that Gerard could only survive this apocalypse in theory, and let's be honest, Ray had way too big of a heart to last. </p><p>All in all, the world ended the night before Halloween and no one was ready for it. </p><p>Except Ryan Ross, who was suddenly fucking magic and god at using anything with a scope. What has he been doing these past couple of years?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Being a Nerd Paid Off For Once, and It Didn't Involve a Single 80s Movie (Kinda)

**Author's Note:**

> i know Ray has a wife-- Christa is a sweet women and she had a fucking kid with Ray, i love that woman instantly by default, because Ray Toro is way too perfect to not reproduce
> 
> i also know Mikey is happily with a girlfriend that isn't Alicia (thank god, she was a witch) and while her name escapes me, as many things do, i appreciate her and what she does and what she means to Mikeyway
> 
> i ALSO know that Frank and Gerard are both madly in love with their gorgeous wives and dear god Lindsey Way and Jamia Iero and fucking perfect fuck fuck fuck
> 
> i ALSOSO know that Brendon has Sarah
> 
> and these will probably be shorter chapters because i have no explanation that will make you happy i'm actually very sorry about that maybe i'll fix that later but sorry yeah sorry
> 
> all this being said, i would like to reiterate
> 
> whatever you think i forgot, i probably forgot on purpose
> 
> have fun and find the Donnie Darko reference for brownie points and self satisfaction

The fact that the world ends the night before Frank's birthday is a sick twist of a joke in itself. 

Gerard had figured that if the undead apocalypse was going to happen any day in the month of October, it damn well better be on the fucking 31st, because what sick god made the word end by corpse the fucking day before Halloween? Gerard wasn't sure if it counted as OCD, but fuck, did it bother him so much.

Though in all honesty, the night the world ended, Gerard wasn't thinking this. In fact, his vocabulary was limited to only four letter words for the last couple hours of that night, and the four letter words were limited to about six specific words, most of which would be censored on broadcasted television. 

All in all, the world ended the night before Halloween and no one was ready for it. 

. . .

Honestly, if the apocalypse of the undead actually had ended up on Halloween, Gerard felt like it would actually be a bit too ironic for him to stomach. 

As stated above, it was the night before Frank's birthday. Jamia and Lindsey were back at Gerard's place, the whole group and respective families having decided to come together for the event to his LA place. The wives were all at home with the kids, and they'd actually pressured the men to all go to a bar and have a night of their own before the big fiasco they had planned for tomorrow night. 

(33 was obviously an important age because repeated digits, fuck yeah)

So hilariously enough, that was where Gerard and Frank and Mikey and Ray had all been when the world ended. They'd been in a bar. Where Mikey had spilled some wine on his shirt after Frank had done something with his arms that had knocked Mikey off his stool. Needless to say, Gerard's brother had put up with way too many jokes about having “a bit of red” on him. 

Not even an hour after this joke had been made was when it officially began (ended?) for the old band-mates:

A bleeding man had stumbled into the bar, clutching at his neck that was just gushing blood in the most horrific way, screaming for everyone to run, to just fucking run, get the hell out of anywhere because nowhere was safe.

Then the screams of pain and sheer terror from outside had suddenly become audible over the shitty bar music and that was when the panic set in. People had been diving over the bar table both ways, hiding behind it or realizing that there was probably nowhere to hide. No one knew how the world was ending, but fuck, it was the world ending. You can't really run somewhere safe when your entire planet is doomed.

Frank had been the one to suggest going to the roof to figure out just what the hell was actually happening and everyone else readily agreed; probably because more bleeding people were falling into the building, some aware of their missing limbs, some of them not. They'd scrambled up the stairs together, Mikey actually clinging to Gerard's arm, and the only thing Gerard could think of was how Ray had broken his record for sobering up.

Then they were at the roof and it was like the world was blowing up. There was fire and screaming and cars smashing into each other like it was the Kentucky fucking Derby. Glass was shattering as stores were either looted or attacked as the things that decidedly weren't human ate everything that was human in sight. Gerard knew that weren't human because humans can't survive long without a lower torso or a chest cavity or a throat or a fucking cranium. Gerard also knew what these monsters were called, but verbalizing or even thinking the name made it all too real.

Then a girl ran past them and jumped off the roof to hit the concrete below with a sickening crunch. No one knew what to do until they noticed that the fall hadn't killed her. That was when Mikey hunched over and threw up, tears of panic streaming down his face. Frank and Ray both looked to Gerard with horrified, beseeching eyes, and that was when Gerard realized he was going to be elected leader of this little band of survivors. And honestly, out of all of them, who else would be? Gerard drew these things for fun when he couldn't sleep. Not knowing a thing or two would have just been hypocritical. 

Gerard took in a deep breath, rubbed his brother's heaving back soothingly as Mikey's body began to calm down, and said, “we need to find weapons.”

. . .

The plan had been to hunker down in one area and wait for the worst of it to die down. The worst of it ended up lasting three days and those three days had been spent in the cellar of another bar that had been down the street. 

Reaching said bar had been a battle in itself-- Mikey had been attached to Gerard's side so severely that Gerard had actually tripped and nearly fallen to the asphalt at one point if Ray hadn't been there to catch him. Then there had been Frank, who had taken an obvious liking to his chosen weapon of a hockey stick reinforced with two pool cues taped to both sides, and had just beaten the shit out of anything that came close to them. Gerard had been grateful at first, but only at first. Frank had insisted on remaining outside and wailing on everything even after the rest of them had reached the inner safety of the bar across the street.

Then Gerard had remembered that Frank couldn't get to Jamia or his kids and decided to let it go. He hadn't yet felt anything over his probable loss of Lindsey or Bandit and wondered if that meant something was wrong with him. He hadn't dwelled on it. 

Now it's the third day and Gerard and the last of his family are waiting below the cellar door and they are ready, Gerard knew they're ready, they have to be ready, but Mikey's arm iss suddenly pulling him back and Gerard can only frown and make confused noises at him until Mikey speaks.

His little brother takes a few steps back towards Ray, and then the larger man places a hand on Mikey's shoulder, and that's when Mikey says, “Ray and I have been together for the past four months. Like, sex and stuff.”

Gerard takes comfort in the fact that Frank is just as shocked as he is, because at least he wasn't the only man in the dark. “Since when?” Gerard mumbles with a bewildered expression. What happened to him and Mikey telling each other everything, no matter what? Of course, Gerard has a secret he kept from Mikey, only a few, but he still isn't one to talk, and yet and yet he feels really fucking betrayed, though not enough to actually get angry about it.

“I just told you.” Mikey somehow manages to roll his eyes in exasperation and still look scared of what his brother could say at the same time. “Four months. We finally got the balls to tell each other and it turned out to be mutual. Then Toro practically fucking courted me, and we started dating seriously, and we're still serious.”

“Why tell me now?” Gerard asks, deciding this was also a pressing issue, though he is very happy to hear that Ray is treating his brother right and being a gentleman, even if said brother doesn't always deserve it, the secret-keeping asshole.

“I'm scared to die,” Mikey replies, and fuck, that's a knife in the chest. “I'm scared Ray will die. Especially if Ray dies.” He takes in a shaky breath. “So, I wanted to tell you in case Ray or I do die. And the other is left alive. It'll help you know what you're dealing with. You know.” Mikey shrugs both his shoulders and his mouth, because words sometimes escaped him when it came to emotions. Ray gives a sigh and speaks up for him.

“He means, he wants you to understand that if I die and Mikey doesn't, he'll be worse off than you would normally expect. And vice versa.”

Frank speaks up with a slow nod. “Completely understandable. And awesome.” He grins that manic grin only Frank Iero can make look attractive. “Really happy for you guys, you know that? So is Gee, even if he isn't really capable of showing it right now. He's got the apocalypse and everything weighing in on his mind.”

Mikey smirks. “I figured.”

Gerard just stares another moment before turning back to the cellar door, because they really did need to get out of here.

. . .

Another week in and Gerard is starting to think they may have gotten the hang of this.

The plan of action is getting back to Gerard's house, which is unfortunately on the south side of the city, while the selected pre-birthday bar was on the north side. It was a decision of imagined and fabricated nostalgia, one that Gerard deeply regrets now that there is city full of shambling corpses between him and his wife and daughter. 

Gerard doesn't actually have that much hope for his family. He knows Geeks (that's what he was calling the monsters because he refused to verbalize their true title) like no one else in their little group so he knows what to expect. 

So he tells Frank.

He pulls Frank away with him one night while Ray is on watch and informs him of the painful truth that Jamia and the girls and his son probably aren't alive. He tells Frank that the chances of a child surviving are slim to none, dwindling further and further into abysmal the more children that are added to the equation. He reminds Frank that Jamia would die before the kids because she'd protect them. He tells Frank that his family is, in all seriousness, dead.

Frank punches him in the jaw. 

Gerard knows he deserves it, so he doesn't hit back. 

. . .

Mikey is the only person who can actually get anywhere quickly and safely and Gerard fucking hates it almost as much as Ray does.

“I don't like you going off on your own,” Ray hisses as they duck behind an old Chevy truck, knowing that the food that would get them past the next week is just across the street. The same street that has about twenty or thirty Geeks all shambling around it like they own the fucking place.

(which they do, they really do, the Geeks own the whole fucking world at this point and humanity was doomed from the start)

“Why can't we just distract them?” Frank asks for the billionth time, like is actually a decent plan, even though it really isn't. It has the ability to sound like a good plan, is what Gerard means.

“Because that's called playing bait,” Gerard replies with a calmness to his whisper that he doesn't feel. “And the thing about bait is that it always gets caught. No distractions, it's too much of a risk.”

“So is running out there like a fucking yahoo,” Ray groans.

“So is not going for food when it's right there and we're low on our own stash,” Mikey points out, eyes narrowing. “How will we get across the fucking city if we starve before we reach the next subway station? Let me fucking do this, Ray, you know I can...”

“Just because you can doesn't mean you should,” Ray argues weakly, and yeah, Gerard is also kinda grasping at straws for reasons why Mikey shouldn't go. Because honestly, he should.

He's the fastest in their their group and really fucking skinny. So while he could't necessarily fit into tiny nooks and crannies like Frank could, he can slip around corners and between walls like a salamander or a snake and holy shit, another reason why Mikey is totally Kobra Kid, Gerard did an awesome job with that character, he is still so fucking proud.

Mikey doesn't wait for them to say any further and scrambles around the Chevy, darting down the sidewalk and out of sight. And all they could do was sit back and wait and pray that they don't hear a sudden uproar in the undead masses, because that would mean that something had excited them, and that would spell doom and certain death for Mikeyway, because they could not even dream of taking down a horde this size. Gerard clasps Ray's hand tightly in his own and they play their usual game of “squeeze as tight as you can without breaking my hand” because sometimes it felt like Gerard could scream with how anxious he gets waiting for Mikey to get back to them, and this was the only safe alternative to actually screaming and giving away their hiding spot. 

Well, Ray would actually fuck Mikey extra hard after a stressful day if they find a decent place to spend the night, but that's beside the point, because Gerard could not fuck his brother. Especially not with Frank around.

Frank, Frank, Frank, that name fucking breaks through his panic for Mikey and makes Gerard turn his head ever so slightly to look at the smaller man.

He's crouching low to the ground and holding his metal bat to his forehead, eyes closed and breathing slowly. Gerard knows what he's doing. Frank's listening, listening as carefully as he could for anything that could spell danger for them or Mikey. 

Gerard feels a wave of guilt crash over him as his eyes travel over the strong muscles of Frank's arms, tracking his collar bone that is exposed by the dingy v-neck shirt he'd gone drinking in that fateful night, and moving further upwards, eyeing the tendons of his neck, focusing on the flutter of the pulse he knows is beneath his skin and loves, raking his eyes across his jaw, and finally resting on Frank's lips.

Fuck, those lips.

Gerard could write poetry for those lips, had written poetry when he was drunk and stupid. Because Frank Iero is the most beautiful man on earth and Gerard has known this for years and has never done anything about it because Jamia had always been there, always been the first and foremost person on Frank's mind. And she still is, even now, and that's why Gerard still isn't going to do anything about what he's felt for Frank for over a decade.

Then Mikey is sliding back home with a new duffle bag clutched to his chest filled with the surprising amount of ammo he'd found on the floor of the store along with a plethora of gummy protein bars and things are looking up more than they had this morning. 

. . .

Gerard hadn't expected to meet many survivors that he'd known by name before the world ended. None of them really had.

That being said, Frank was excused for kinda loosing his shit when they ran into a bloodied, robotic-looking, rifle-bearing, leather-wearing Ryan Ross. 

The poor young man looked more war-torn than anything else, though. His eyes had been oddly glazed and emotionless and when they'd first called his name he hadn't even looked surprised. Ryan had actually ignored them and continued lying on the ground, literally sniping Geeks from atop the condemned Blockbusters building. Ray had been the first to see him and Gerard had been the first to recognize him. He hadn't exactly been best friends with Ryan Ross before the apocalypse, but even Ryan's own best friend might not have been able to recognize him now. 

When the four had finally made their way to the roof and gotten Ryan's attention for real, he'd startled and nearly knifed Frank in the chest. Really, he'd had a throwing knife in his hand, ready to go, staring at them with wide eyes. Ryan had been covered in blood that hopefully wasn't his. His skin was a sickly pale in contrast and his eyes had huge bruises beneath them, like he hadn't slept since this all began. His hair was shaggy and the remnants of colour clung to the bangs that fell in between and around his eyes and he hadn't smiled at them.

Instead, he'd asked them, “are you real?” in a small, shaky voice that had Gerard wondering if Ryan had been living through a very different Hell than they had this past month. 

“Of course we are,” Mikey had shot back before he sat beside Ryan with a huff and narrowed his eyes at Ryan's appearance. “You look like shit.”

Ryan had raised a snarky brow and that was how Gerard had known the real Ryan was still in there.

. . .

Ryan joined their group and agreed to their mission because he didn't actually have any family or friends or loved ones that he wanted to save, apparently. Gerard had half a mind to bring up Spencer or maybe even Brendon, but the man was just so shut off from everyone and everything. He didn't know what had happened to Ryan Ross, but he knew it couldn't have been good.

. . .

After nearly five weeks on the road (and fuck you for saying they should be there already, most days they couldn't even leaving their hiding spot because the Geeks were everywhere and always traveled in fucking numbers and it was truly a nightmare), they finally acquire a system when it came to setting up watch every night.

Step One, find a car.

Step two, designate two watchers.

Step three, have watchers sit atop the car while everyone else sleeps.

Disco, right?

And it's Gerard's turn to be up top with Ryan, and Ryan usually doesn't talk, but Ryan had actually smirked at a joke Ray told them earlier today (something about deer balls and being underneath a buck) so Gerard decides to try his luck.

Then Ryan beats him to it.

“I meant what I said,” Ryan says softly after they situate themselves for the night, back to back, facing opposite directions to cover all their bases. “From before. Before all of this.”

Gerard frowns. “Uh, what? Can you, like, elaborate? Sorry, I've had issues remembering shit.”

Ryan sighs. “About loving you,” he explains. “I really do. Not like, romantically and shit, that's weird and not really me. You're great, but not really my type. I just meant...” He sighs again, sounding a bit more frustrated than before. “I really look up to you, Gerard Way. And the things you and your band did with your music and your message. It was fucking intense and meant a lot to thousands of people, including me. I wore your shirts in high school, had the first album and everything. I know you've heard this before, but you guys saved my life.”

Gerard is silent for a long moment.

“... I meant what I said too,” he tells Ryan gently, knowing that this is kinda a serious and special moment for them, or at least for Gerard. “About respecting you. And seeing you as awesome. I don't know much about 2008, and what I do know is probably biased as shit and entirely inaccurate, so I refuse to pass judgement on anything that might have happened. Everything aside, you're an amazing writer and musician, Ryan Ross, and you have my respect.”

Ryan also goes silent, so Gerard continues because he feels like Ryan needs to hear this. He feels like Ryan needs to hear that no everyone hates him or wants to hurt him for what happened, needs to know that not everyone blames him for something they don't know about.

“And I want to thank you for coming along.” He leans more weight against Ryan to give some sort of physical reassurance to his words. “All of us are kinda shit at this. We know how to run and stuff, but Frank uses a fucking bat, Mikey just sprints and goes through a new melee weapon every other day, and Ray gets queasy easily when we have to wail on a skull. I'm just good for nerdy information. It's by pure luck that we've survived, and then we run into you, and you were fucking sniping from the roof! Getting head shots like you've been shooting since the day you were born! It was fucking incredible, and you can obviously survive better on your own, but you stuck with us, and you said you'd help us, and you actually are helping us, and that means the world to me.”

Ryan chuckles darkly. Gerard waits for an explanation.

“... It's safer to be alone,” Ryan finally begins. “But it's also harder. You don't have a reason to survive when you don't have someone to survive with. I trusted some people I shouldn't have in the beginning, and I decided I was better off alone after it was all finally over, but you saw what I was like. Sure, I was alive, but I wasn't really human anymore, you know? I might as well have been one of them. I killed the things senselessly and didn't care about anything, didn't care if I died that day or not. Then you guys came to the roof and I figured that if I was gonna have anyone stab me in the back and leave me for dead, it might as well be the guy I idolized for all of those years, right? Might as well die at the hands of the men who saved my life.”

Gerard pulls a frown but doesn't comment on that. He goes with something safer.

“I'm glad we gave you a reason to survive,” he says softly.

He feels Ryan nod. 

“Cut me some slack, though, will ya?” Ryan chuckles again as he speaks, though it isn't nearly as self deprecating or scary as it was before. “I haven't lived for someone in years. I'm gonna have to learn how it goes again.”

Gerard giggles and settles back for the night. “Anything for you, Ryan Ross.”


	2. Force Majeure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Frank are exposed to bad news and shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some really mild Ryan/Gerard shit in here (like, super mild, this shit's practically vanilla) but if you hate that ship with a passion, scroll past it. 
> 
> Also, the title is a really cool reference that I spent all of nothing on but I really like it. You should Google it and maybe you'll like it too, and learn something, because knowledge is power.
> 
> All typos are my own-- I apologize in advance for anything horrendously inexcusable.

The fact that his family is dead doesn't hit Gerard until they're only a few blocks away from his street and he loses his shit, crying hysterically because his family is fucking dead. Frank's mad and glaring at Gerard, moving a few feet away from where Mikey is trying to calm his brother down, and Gerard is sorry Frank is in such avid denial, but Gerard refuses to lie to himself. The fact that he's even alive at this point is against all the odds. No way did Lindsey and Bandit make it and the thought makes him sick.

He vomits his dried fruit breakfast onto the asphalt and stumbles, tears making everything blurry and hard to distinguish as reality. 

Then Ryan Ross is at his side with Mikey and they're both holding him close and saying soft words to help calm him, Mikey running fingers through Gerard's hair and Ryan rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Gerard's back. At least they don't hate him for taking so long to realize what was happening to their world and what it meant. 

“I don't want to be here,” he sobs, trembling between the two men. “I don't want to be alone.”

“You're not,” Mikey assures him, brushing blond hair from his brother's eyes and lightly dragging his fingers over Gerard's scalp. “Ray and Frank and Ryan and I are here. We're all here, Gee, we're all still here. And we're not going anywhere, okay?”

“You don't know that.” Gerard pulls back to look Mikey in the eye, suddenly reaching a terrifying calm. “You don't,” he continues. “You're gonna die and you won't see it coming, no one ever does.”

“It doesn't matter,” Ryan interrupts, drawing attention from the four other men to him, even Frank. He pauses before repeating, “it doesn't matter. We're here now and we're with each other. When we die doesn't matter, it's what we do until then.”

Mikey nods firmly before looking back to Gerard. “We have to keep going, Gee. Maybe they're alive, maybe they're not. But I am alive. And so is Frank and Ray and Ryan. We'll keep you going as long as we can as long as you promise to keep going with us. Okay?”

Gerard also nods and looks to his brother with a sense of awe before pulling him into a hug. “Thank you, Mikey,” he murmurs in his ear, tears returning though they are no longer of hysteria. He takes another few moments to calm down, holding tightly onto his brother and just breathing. It still makes him sick to picture his wife and daughter dead, but it hurts a little less. He will be okay as long as he has his family. 

“We're done for today,” Ray announces with an air of finality to show he intends for no argument to be made. No one does. Ryan finds them a minivan and volunteers for solo watch, arguing that they all need their sleep. Ryan still doesn't include himself in their group and Gerard knows it's because Ryan sees himself as tragically replaceable even though Gerard and Ray have insisted that he is not. Gerard isn't sure Ryan will ever believe them.

He lies awake for what feels like hours, staring up at the cloth ceiling, listening to Frank breathe from the front seat. Mikey and Ray are lying together in the very back. Gerard doesn't want to focus on the love he does not have anymore. Instead, he wants to focus on Frank and how he was going to beg for forgiveness until he does finally die to make up for making Frank face the truth of the world they were living in-- a truth Gerard hadn't even understood until now. 

“I don't want to find them,” Frank whispers softly, his voice making Gerard jump in surprise. 

Gerard waits patiently for Frank to continue but he never does, so Gerard presses. “You don't want to find them?”

“Our families,” Frank elaborates. Gerard can hear tears in his voice by the way it shook. “I don't want to find them, Gee. I just want to be ignorant. I don't want to know what happened to them. I just don't.”

Gerard is quiet for a moment before he sits up and crawls into the passenger seat, reaching across the console to pull Frank into his arms and lap. He doesn't say anything, he just holds the man as Frank shakes and struggles not to cry any louder. 

. . .

Ryan insists on leading their little group the next morning for the final blocks and no one wants to admit that his unbidden action is a huge relief. Ryan doesn't know where Gerard lived, exactly, but he follows directions like a pro and before long Gerard is standing on his front lawn.

He looks at the ruined grass, the decayed and mangled corpse that used to be his neighbor, the stench of the charred wreckage of the house behind him, and wonders how this all happened. How the apocalypse even began, because killer strains of a reanimating bacteria do not occur natural in this size and this ferocity. Gerard wants answers he knows he'll never have, so instead he steels his stance and pushes past Ryan, heading into his house and trying not to lose hope when he finds the font door lock broken and useless. 

There is no one and nothing inside. The furniture is mostly gone and Gerard does not see any bodies. This is undeniably a good thing.

Ryan looks around, in the lead again, being so very careful not to disturb anything that Gerard could almost mistake his intentions as those of respect if Gerard isn't also aware of how very dangerous this is. The house is really a bunch of dead ends and closed corners-- anything could jump out at any time and take their throats clean out if they aren't careful. 

“I think it's clear,” Ray suggests and Gerard looks back to see him tense and huddling close in front of Mikey, obviously protecting the younger Way with his own body. Gerard feels an odd sense of satisfaction, because at least Mikey will make it out of this alive. It's the little things that count.

Ryan is suddenly very still, his eyes trained on the glass sliding door that leads out to the backyard. He doesn't say anything, only stares, expressionless. Gerard and the others wait for a few seconds.

“Ryan?” Mikey calls out shakily.

Ryan breaks from his stupor and moves to block anyone from going between the wall that separates the entrance room from the living room and the stairs. “They're gone,” he says with an air of finality that makes Frank let out this choked sob that tears at Gerard's heart. 

“You cant be sure--” Mikey beings to protest, but is cut off.

“I'm sure.”

Mikey and Ryan stare at each other. Then Mikey ducks his head and nods hollowly, shoulders slouching as his body straightens, becoming taller and smaller simultaneously. “Then that's it, then.”

“No!” 

Frank's roar of denial is enough of a startle to make Ryan fail in keeping the smaller man from pushing past him and barreling for the glass door. Gerard stands back and simply stares at the photo of himself and his wife and daughter hanging on the wall, the one that he now sees is covered in blood. 

Frank's sobbing breaks past his haze of apathy and he moves forward with Ray and Mikey, grabbing at Frank's shoulders and arms as the man falls to his knees in front of the glass, trembling violently as he screams. 

“Jamia!” he shrieks desperately and Gerard's about to cry too. “Jamia, please! Jamia!”

Gerard is stupid and looks up, out the glass. He sees Jamia and then he sees Lindsey and Lindsey is still a ruined sort of beautiful, even in death. He also sees Bandit's shirt, the one she had been wearing the day the world ended, clutched in Lindsey's hand and he knows it's over. He moves between Frank and the glass and forces Frank to look away from the carnage. Gerard pulls Frank's head into his chest and hushes him softly, ignoring the corpses of their loved ones that are banging futilely on the glass, though not for long.

“We have to go,” Ryan orders, a hand underneath Frank's arm to pull him up with Ray's help. “We have to go.”

“It's okay,” Gerard whispers in Frank's ear before the man is forced to his feet and pulled away from the glass. He keeps a hand on Frank's shoulder as they scurry out of Gerard's old home and back into the streets. Somewhere close by, a car alarm sounds. Frank only sobs louder.

. . .

“I'm sorry,” Ryan says to Gerard from atop the Cadillac Escalade they had found for the night. Gerard doesn't respond immediately. Instead, he tenses and tries to ignore the stupid idea in his head. But it doesn't work and instead of talking about his dead wife and daughter, Gerard turns around and kisses Ryan soundly. 

The other man jolts in shock and lets out a noise of protest, but he doesn't push Gerard away, and for that he is grateful. Gerard does pull back, but only an inch, so he can speak, so he can say what he needs to get this over with. But Ryan is faster.

“You love Frank,” Ryan says to him like it's obvious, which Gerard sure hopes is not. It throws him for a loop and he stumbles over his tongue, so Ryan continues. “I can see how you look at him. You look at him like I would look at Brendon,” and holy shit, did Ryan still have feelings for Brendon, even now? That would be a knife to the gut. “You shouldn't kiss me when you have him.”

“Frank doesn't love me back,” Gerard finally responds. “Not like that. Not like I've always wanted and needed him to.”

Ryan is quiet for a long moment. Gerard sighs and leans in closer, their lips brushing, and while it isn't Frank, it's enough for Gerard right now. “Please,” he begs against Ryan's mouth.

“What if we hurt someone?” Ryan asks in a tiny voice that sounds nothing like him. 

Gerard pauses before responding, “it's not a permanent thing. I need someone. Frank is mourning, Ray is taken by Mikey, and Mikey's my fucking brother, so that's a no. It's just for something quick, Ryan, something to help it stop.”

“Help what stop?” Ryan presses, not putting space between them but looking more nervous by the second. His voice is still timid. “You're not mourning, Gerard. Not like you should be.”

Gerard ignores that. “Please,” he repeats, bumping their noses and forcing Ryan to keep their eye contact. This would be a decidedly awkward situation if Gerard isn't so horribly desperate for something real and living; the touch of another person that is surviving just like he is.

He sees the moment that Ryan gives in before the other man initiates the touch of their lips. From there is gasps and fumbling touches, though Gerard can tell as his shirt comes off that Ryan is hardly in this for his own pleasure. He never once lets Gerard touch him or take the lead, and Gerard isn't sure why, but he lets it happen.

Ryan pushes him back against the flimsy top of the Cadillac and pushes Gerard's jeans and boxer shorts down his waist. “Gotta make this quick,” he whispers in Gerard's ear, and he understands. While he and Ryan are chasing their heartbeats, anyone and anything could approach the vehicle. So this will be quick.

Ryan doesn't waste any time in getting his hand around Gerard's slowly hardening member, his calloused fingers a rough, foreign sensation against the soft skin of Gerard's dick. Gerard gasps and bucks into Ryan's hand and that's enough for them both to get the show going.

As Ryan pumps Gerard's erection at an even, satisfying pace, Gerard looks up at him and etches what he can make out of Ryan's face in the darkness into his mind. He barely knew this man before the world ended. Now Ryan is getting him off in the middle of an apocalypse to help Gerard cope. If that doesn't shoot Ryan beyond the status of mere friendship then Gerard isn't sure what can.

He gasps into the night and arches his back as the pleasure builds steadily and rapidly. Gerard clears his mind and focuses on the touch of Ryan's hand and the puffs of warmth on his cheek from Ryan's own breath and just lives. He stares at Ryan and the stars behind him and pretends that the world is back in one piece, for only a moment.

Then he falls apart in Ryan's hand, his climax hitting him sharply as he grinds into Ryan's hand and keens. Ryan kisses him to silence his moan and Gerard's hips jerk thrice through the aftershocks before his body falls back against the metal of the car and he breathes slowly.

Ryan pulls his hand away and wipes it on the ridges of the vehicle before pulling Gerard's pants back up and helping him fasten them. But when Gerard reaches for Ryan's jeans, the other man bats his hand away with a brisk shake of his head.

“You're meant for someone else,” Ryan explains cryptically. 

Gerard just feels a little sad because that means that Ryan doesn't think he's meant for anyone.

. . .

The relief Gerard feels when he gets up the next morning to the banging of Mikey's hand over his head (Mikey and Ray had relieved Ryan and Gerard from watch last night under the pretense of Gerard needing his rest) can hardly be explained in words. Ryan doesn't shy away from him or avoid his eyes and it feels so good to know that Gerard's moment of weakness last night hadn't ruined.

And it had been a moment of weakness. 

Lindsey and Bandit were dead. They were corpses shambling about, probably trapped in Gerard's backyard that really needed a good mowing. He doesn't know how they died and he doesn't want to. The nightmares he had the nightmare before had given him plenty of possibilities, but none of them could be as horrible as the truth that he didn't know.

He will keep it that way because ignorance is bliss.

Frank is a corpse, though. Not truly dead, but every time Gerard looks at him, he can't help but think that Frank had died. Gerard walks close to Frank for sheer comfort for both of them. He hasn't cried yet for Lindsey and Bandit, but he knows he will soon. Frank hasn't stopped crying. Even now, silent tears track their way down his cheeks and his eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Gerard wants to gather the smaller man in his arms and sing him into an endless, dreamless sleep, but he knows he can't. They have to survive.

Frank hasn't said a word, though, and Gerard is worried. He glances back at Mikey and Ray repeatedly, trading silent words and even conversations, all of them distressed for Frank's wellbeing. But again, Ryan is always faster.

He falls back, though his eyes remain trained forward, and speaks. “Frank,” he begins softly. “I'm sorry. About who you've lost.”

Frank nods wordlessly, so Ryan continues.

“Do you want to die?” he asks, not looking to anyone else, even though Gerard pales at the thought. He feels sick with relief when Frank considers the question only to shake his head.

“They wouldn't want me to,” Frank tells Ryan just as quietly. “Especially Jamia. She'd get fucking pissed if she found out I'd just offed myself.” Frank sighs. “No, they'd want me to keep going. For you guys, you know? Maybe not you, Ryan, cause she didn't know you, but for Gee and Mikey and Ray.” 

Frank glances back meaningfully at the other three when he says their names. “They're my family just as much as she was. And she'd want me to stick around to make sure they survive. It's just going to hurt for a long time.”

Ryan nods, visibly soaking in Frank's words and carefully choosing his own response. “... You need to live for yourself, too.”

Frank nods again. “I know. I will, someday. But for now I've already got all I need.”

. . .

Cornered in a decrepit old gas station with monsters breaking the windows with their fists is where Gerard fucks up.

There's more of those Geeks outside than Gerard had ever imagined there could be. Gerard is scared they're all going to die over a stupid case of water that might already have bullet holes in it and half the water they needed. Ryan is staring up at the ceiling and Gerard half thinks that Ryan expects god to descend from the heavens themselves and save them. Mikey and Ray have their guns trained on the windows and doors (guns they'd only recently salvaged from a few dead police officers) and Frank is huddled beside Gerard, both of them watching the back.

“I heard you and Ryan,” Frank blurts out, and Gerard wants to scream, wants to shout at Frank and convince him that this isn't a good time for this conversation. But Frank keeps going.

“I heard him jacking you off that night. You guys always been a thing or were we supposed to find out you two were fucking the hard way?”

Frank is scowling at the back entrance but Gerard knows that the look of disgust is meant for him. He wants to explain to Frank that it isn't like that, that he and Ryan aren't like that, but they don't have time. 

Ryan yells for them to climb the shelves because he's found a way out through the roof and Frank goes after Mikey and Ray but before Gerard and Ryan, shouldering past Gerard and frowning hard as he climbs to safety. He actually levels Ryan with a glare and Ryan flinches under his gaze.

. . .

They all make it out alive, but Frank might hate Gerard now, so Gerard feels like he'd be better off dead anyways.


	3. Make It Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and the rest learn a few things about Ryan that make all the Jenga pieces fall away and into place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long
> 
> you know how it is
> 
> life and shit
> 
> and Jaws marathons
> 
>  
> 
> all typos are mine and a mistake and i'm sorry

Frank steadily ignores Gerard for three days and Gerard is losing his mind. If it was safe, he'd be pacing in circles and screaming at the sky for some sort of break in their standstill, but it isn't safe, it's never safe, especially not now.

Since discovering the death of their families, Ray and Ryan had suggested a break. A break that consisted of them wondering about and buying their time while Frank and Gerard cope and heal and work on surviving with the images of their dead wives and children behind their eyelids.

Ryan and Mikey go on a run for supplies and they don't come back when they're supposed to.

They have a sort of shaky protocol for when things go wrong. Stay in the same place and wait. Sit and wait. Sit in whatever godforsaken hole they found beforehand and wait for who knows how long until the anxiety and suspense drives them to insanity and they go after the missing members of the family. 

Ray is sitting outside of this dingy little office building Ryan had found them the night before and isn't happy, isn't enjoying himself at all. He sits and waits for Mikey to come “home,” the gun he salvaged off a police officer sitting in his vice-like grip as he just stares out in the direction Mikey and Ryan had disappeared into.

Gerard isn't handling it well and he's at his breaking point and Frank ignoring him completely is not helping.

“Just fucking talk to me!” he cries out desperately, throwing his hands in the air. “Please! I don't even know why you're angry with me, Frank, and that isn't fucking fair!”

Frank doesn't reply; he continues cleaning his own firearm with the frown he'd been wearing since Jamia shambled towards him etched on his face. He ignores Gerard with the same skill he always has when he's pissed at someone and Gerard can't take it anymore.

“I need you, Frankie,” he finally sobs, not bothering to wipe the hysteric tears from his eyes. One breaks the seal and falls down his cheek, off his chin and onto his soiled and bloody shirt. Frank scowls and smacks down the receiver and magazine with a huff of frustration.

“The fuck do you want me to say?” he demands in a terrifyingly calm voice. “That I think you're a slut?”

Gerard flinched. “You think I'm a slut?” he repeated in a small voice. Frank nodded.

“I mean, what else can I call you? You see your dead wife and you immediately move onto the next body you see? And fuck Ryan for going with it or instigating it or whatever, you just lost your fucking wife and daughter and you immediately fuck around with Ryan while we're asleep!” Frank is barring his teeth and scowling deep, and Gerard is suddenly nervous of the gun in front of Frank and the baseball bat against his side. “You're a fucking slut, Gerard, and I'm pissed because you're becoming something you're not and it makes me want to punch out your teeth!”

“They're back!” Ray shouts as he comes into view with Mikey against his side and Ryan trailing behind them without an expression. “Something got flooded or whatever, but they got water and some bullets!”

Gerard latches onto the distraction and pulls his brother into his arms, holding him tight. Mikey smiles and hugs him back before pulling away a few seconds later to greet Frank cautiously. Ryan catches Gerard's eye and smiles a bit shakily with a small wave. Gerard would usually wave back, but all he hears is Frank's voice calling him a slut and he ignores Ryan.

The worst part is that Ryan notices how Gerard cuts his eyes away from him and accepts this without hesitation, nodding to himself and heading away to some corner to clean his own weapons. 

. . .

“I was with a bad group in the beginning,” Ryan is explaining to Mikey softly.

Gerard is lying just underneath the sunroof in the front seat of the car while Ray is in the very back and Frank is stretched out across the middle seat. He knows he shouldn't be listening, that ever since Gerard had begun ignoring Ryan, Mikey had latched onto him and filled Gerard's place because Gerard was an asshole. He knows that this conversation and this information is meant for Mikey's ears only, but he still cares a lot for Ryan-- he wants to know these things.

“They were my friends before the world ended,” Ryan continues. “Dan and Zee and all of them. But then everything went to hell and they became different people. Cruel people. We were cornered in this apartment building before the locked me in the stairwell to be bait while they went down the fire escape. No warning or anything. They were there, then they were gone and I couldn't get out. I nearly died.”

“That's fucking shitty,” Mikey says during a lull in the story.

“It hurt for about an hour,” Ryan explains. “Then I decided to not let it hurt. I decided to stop caring. And I did. Until you guys showed up. But now I wish I had kept not caring, because Gerard...”

Mikey sighs. “Gerard is a dick who doesn't know how to handle things when shit goes bad. He wants to please everyone, really, but sometimes some people reside above others in his mind when they shouldn't. For what it's worth, I think Frank is an asshole for calling you and Gee sluts, and I think Gee's an even bigger asshole for ignoring you just because Frank is an asshole.”

“It was just a wake up call.” Gerard suddenly notices how tired Ryan sounds. “It helped me realize that it doesn't matter who I'm with. I'll always be the new guy and I'll always be strategically expendable. Able to be thrown to the side for a getaway. That no one actually cares.”

“I care,” and Gerard can hear the frown in Mikey's voice. “I'm keeping you, Ryan Ross. And we'll fix Frank and Gerard. They can't be idiots forever.”

Gerard twists in his seat, guilt shooting through him like a knife. He glances up and sees Frank staring at him and knows Frank is thinking the same thing.

Mikey was right-- they really are dicks.

. . .

Frank stops ignoring Gerard the next day. They sit down and talk, instead.

“I'm mad that you had sex with Ryan the night we found our wives were dead,” Frank says right off the bat, which Gerard appreciates. “It makes me feel like you never really loved her. And that pisses me off because Lindsey is-- was. Was the shit. And she deserved better than a husband that never loved her.”

Gerard nods slowly, because he understands, he really does. It makes him sad that Frank could think so low of him, but it also makes sense. “I do love her,” Gerard replies with sadness in his eyes. “I swear on my life. But you can love more than one person like I love her. Loved,” and using the past tense when concerning Lindsey is proving to be difficult. “And I loved someone else enough to marry them like I loved her.”

Frank scowls. “Yeah, I know. Apparently it's Ryan Ross, the guy we just randomly came across after the world went to shit and people start eating each other. How fucking dandy for you.”

“Stop saying shit about Ryan,” Gerard spits, eyes narrowing. It was about time he defends the other man. “It isn't Ryan and he didn't want to get me off that night, you dick. He tried to change my mind more than once so stop being an asshole just because you think I made a mistake. I don't want him like that and he doesn't want me, so leave him out of this because he doesn't deserve your shit.”

Frank's scowl drops away and a remorseful expression takes its place. “Okay,” he concedes softly. “Sorry. I was looking for someone to blame. Who is it?”

“It doesn't matter,” Gerard says quickly, almost too quickly, because there is no way Frank is finding out about what he feels like this. “Just please forgive me? I was scared and reminded that I could die too and that I was alone and my family was dead and I needed someone, and Ryan was all I had then. I mean, you don't have to actually forgive me, just... Just forgive Ryan? You heard what they did to him. They were supposed to be his friends, the only people he had left after everything. And then they just left him. He doesn't deserve this.”

Frank doesn't say anything, only nods. “I'm going to apologize,” he tells Gerard softly. “I promise. I need him to know I'm a shithead, but not like this. I can't... I don't know how I could have said that about him. It was wrong of me. So very fucking wrong.” 

Gerard also nods, because he agrees. It was wrong of Frank to say, about anyone, really.

“He's one of us,” Frank continues. “After all of this, he's definitely one of us. And he needs to know that. No more waiting for us to leave him behind. I can't even begin to understand how much that must hurt to think about, so we're going to fix it.”

Gerard smiles breathlessly. “Thank you, Frankie.”

. . .

Ryan stops flinching whenever Gerard passes him after he and Frank apologize together. And it hurts to see the naked relief in Ryan's eyes. Like he'd been so sure that he had really meant nothing to Gerard and Frank, that he'd been sure he wasn't worth much of anything to anyone. No one should think of his or herself like that; especially not Ryan. 

. . .

“I really think you should tell him,” Ryan says softly from atop the car during yet another night. “Frank deserves to know.”

Gerard shrugs, watching one Geek shamble around without a purpose. “He's still getting over Jamia. And he's stressed. And then there's the whole nomadic issue and it's just not the right time.”

“It'll never be the right time,” and fuck, Ryan was probably right about that. “Gerard, you have to believe me. If I had Brendon here, I wouldn't care about anything else but telling him how I feel. Even if Sarah was at his side-- it's better than suffering and wilting away into nothing from afar.”

Gerard chooses his next statement carefully. “You love Brendon Urie.”

He feels Ryan nod.

“Why?” Gerard asks. “I mean, after everything. After all of that shit you went through, leaving the band and stuff, you fell in love with him again?”

“Who says I stopped?” Ryan shoots back softly. 

Gerard is silent for a moment. “... You should have. Made it hurt less.”

“Sometimes I like to hurt.”

Fuck, that is the worst. “Do you think he's dead?”

“... I don't like to think about it,” Ryan whispers and that's when Gerard drops the subject and doesn't open his stupid mouth for the rest of the night.


	4. I Want to Find Another Way Even Though I've Tried It All and Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard gets a certain thing off his chest and Ryan loses more than he had ever wanted to acknowledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super sorry for the slow update
> 
> college starts for me soon so i'll probably take even longer with the next chapter (i am so uber sorry) but once i'm in the groove i'll definitely be updating more regularly
> 
> if anyone cares to know
> 
> and you know the drill-- i really do try to find all my typos before i post these, but my brain likes to fix things for me as i read and i know that's a nice thing for it to do under normal circumstances but it's like autocorrect cause it never finds the mistakes you really need it to

There are five geeks to Gerard's left and two to his right and he only has three bullets and his crowbar is bent from an accident only two minutes ago when he had tried to escape through a manhole that had turned out to be sealed with something much stronger than gravity and mass. Now he is hiding behind some shitty old Pontiac and he can hear the monsters stumbling closer, their moans filling the air like a chorus of reapers and he wishes he had enough courage to put a bullet in his own head because nothing sounds more painful than being eaten alive. 

It's three seconds until one of the Geeks comes into Gerard's line of sight and his heart stops in its tracks as his brain tries to figure a way out of this mess. His instincts kick in and Gerard shoves himself to his feet, breaking off into a run, away from the Pontiac and pit stop Mikey and Ryan and Ray and Frank are all gathered in. He knows he's going to die and he wishes Mikey's annoyed expression wasn't the last thing he had seen on his brother's face. Gerard knew now that he had made a mistake in opting to check around outside, alone, before they left for their usual despondent wandering. Gerard had brought this upon himself.

He runs down an alley that has three corpses that are moving and seven that are not and jumps over trashbags and broken TVs and a couch. He rounds a corner and stops short when he faces three walls and knows that there are at least ten of those things behind him. He knows this is the end.

Gerard backs himself up against one of the walls and shoots three Geeks. His three bullets had only taken down one Geek, so he throws his crowbar, and crosses his fingers, praying that it will come back like the boomerang it now resembles, but to no such luck. The moans are loud and the monsters look like the things he only ever saw when he was little and on too much cough medicine and his entire body is trembling. He can only close his eyes and hope it won't hurt to much.

Then Frank's screaming and gunning down Geeks without prejudice and Ryan's jamming his switchblade into the back of the Geeks' heads and severing their spines and Gerard can suddenly breathe again. Because Frank's here and so is Ryan and the Geek count has been reduced to two and Frank is already bashing in one of the thing's head with his bat. Ryan takes off the last Geek's head with a clean shot through the temple and Gerard is practically sobbing in relief.

“You fucking asshole!” Frank shouts as he makes an about-face around and stomps towards Gerard. “You fucking listen to Ryan and Ray next time, you fucking fucker! We almost lost you!”

And Gerard means to apologize, he really does, but Frank is suddenly very close and he can feel Frank's breath on his face and Gerard is alive and he remembers, in the back of his mind, in the very depths of his consciousness, that he regretted, more than anything, he regretted not telling Frank his darkest secret.

“I have something to tell you,” he blurts out. Frank pauses mid rant and frowns, confused. Gerard knows that in this moment he wants nothing more than to kiss that frown off of Frank's face. So he does.

He places one hand on either side of Frank's face and pulls the man closer to him, pausing to stare into those gorgeous eyes that have captivated him since he first looked upon the raw and tangible beauty that was Frank Iero and then kisses him. And it's everything he's ever imagined and wanted because he's never imagined it to be mutual so Frank's frozen lips are exactly what he's expected to be met with.

Gerard jumps and lets out a cry of surprise when Frank actually begins to reciprocate. His heart is slamming out a painful tandem in his chest and Frank easily dominates the kiss, pushing Gerard back against the wall and fisting his hand in Gerard's shirt, practically devouring him. Gerard moans and lets his eyes slip shut as he allows Frank to take all control from him and loves every minute of it.

They're interrupted by Ryan, who clears his throat awkwardly and kicks at Gerard's boot for their attention. 

“You can talk about it later,” he says quietly. “More are coming. We're not safe out here in the open and Ray and Mikey are waiting for us. We need to head back before it's too late.”

Frank nods and pulls Gerard to his feet, who is dazed beyond coherent thought, and leads Gerard along as he follows Ryan back to the pit stop. 

. . .

They do not leave the pit stop that day.

Instead, Ryan pulls Ray and Mikey somewhere out of earshot with a horrible excuse and an even worse explanation of said excuse when Mikey starts to question him. In the end, Ryan just grits out, “we need to go somewhere else,” with wide eyes and pursed lips like he's willing Mikey to read his mind and figure shit out. Mikey doesn't read his mind, but he begrudgingly drags Ray along as they head to the back and leave Gerard and Frank in peace.

“So,” Frank begins softly. “That person. That you said you loved like you loved Lindsey. Was that me?”

Gerard nods. “Still is you,” he clarified. “Always was and always will be. It's always been you, Frankie, since day one. Getting over myself and my mistakes, my alcoholism and suicidal tendencies and all my bullshit. It was all for you.”

Frank pauses. “... Why didn't you ever say anything?”

“What do you say to the guy you love who's with his high school sweetheart?” Gerard scoffs. “I had lost before I'd ever even met you. I resigned myself to getting nothing from day one and that was okay. But now...” He trails off, knowing that it would be a dick move to finish that statement. Unless Frank finishes it for him, which, surprisingly, he does.

“Now that it's just us,” Frank continues softly, watching Gerard without any discernible expression. “Now it's just you and me and sudden death and you want to make sure you can die without any regrets.”

Gerard frowns and shakes his head. “Not that, Frankie. Regrets are gonna be in my head no matter what I do. I just wanna die knowing I tried.”

Frank frowns too, brow furrowing in honest confusion and Gerard has to resist the urge to kiss him again. “Knowing you tried to do what?”

“To have what I've always wanted,” he responds with a shrug, because it's that simple. Frank blushes, then ducks his head and coughs, scratching awkwardly at his nose. Gerard smiles fondly at him. “You don't have to reciprocate or feel pressured or anything. I just wanted to know what it was like to kiss you.”

“You have kissed me before.”

Gerard shakes his head. “Not like that. Not like I meant it.”

Frank flushes even deeper. “... Give me some time, Gee. Please? I-I need to think.”

Gerard nods and accepts this request with a smile, because it's more than he had ever hoped for.

. . .

The next morning, Gerard wakes up to Frank prodding him into awareness and kissing him passionately once he was awake.

. . .

“So what do we want to do?” Mikey asked with a long sigh after a long day of putting up with Frank and Gerard consummating their love for one another. And Gerard knows that has to be really embarrassing and uncomfortable for his poor little brother to be around, but fuck him. The world ended and Gerard has Frank, so he does what he wants. 

“We should head to the coast,” Ray suggests. “It's only about twenty miles away. It'll take us awhile, yeah, but we'll get there eventually and we can just grab a boat and head out into the water to see what's there. Islands and shit, you know? They do that in the movies.”

“There aren't many unpopulated islands around the California coast around LA,” Ryan sighs, methodically cleaning Ray's gun. Fuck, where did he learn this shit? “We have all those oil platforms in San Pedros bay. Then Naples and Terminal Island near Long Beach. But people on the coast would've already gone there.”

“Maybe we'll have better luck outside LA?” Mikey asks or suggests, Gerard can't really tell. Ryan shrugs.

“It's pretty desolate out there,” he thinks aloud. “It'll take even longer to get out, but things will become less densely populated. I'd just be worried about resources like water and shelter. It's a wasteland out there, you know? And totally your inspiration for Danger Days, don't even lie.”

Gerard relents a chuckle at the reference to one of their their old albums.

“I like the idea,” Frank says from where his arms are wrapped around Gerard's shoulders. Mikey and Ray nod their consent and Gerard nods too and it's final.

They are leaving for the desert tomorrow.

. . .

“Why did you say yes to me?” Gerard asks of Frank in the darkness of the night, the two men curled up together in the back of the pit stop. Ray and Mikey are on watch and Ryan is hopefully sleeping, though it is always hard to tell because he sleeps sitting up with his gun in his hand and sometimes his eyes stay open. The only way to know for sure that he is sleeping is when he has nightmares.

Frank shrugs and strokes Gerard's jaw with his fingertips, brushing a strand of hair from Gerard's face in the process. “Jamia wouldn't want me to suffer and dwell on her and shit. She loved me, and she knows I loved her. But you're right. You can love more than one person. And I love you like I loved her, I just ignored it, I guess. Because I had Jamia.”

Gerard nods. “You didn't need me when you had her.”

“But that's not true,” Frank sighs, rolling onto his back to stare up, his expression frustrated and familiar, easy to identify as the face Frank wears when he's struggling to put his thoughts and emotions into words. “I needed you too. I needed you to be my best friend and my confidant and my savior and my wall. I needed you in some of the same ways I needed Jamia, and I needed you in some ways that I had never needed her. I love you just as much as I loved her, just differently.”

Gerard remains quiet for a moment before scooting across the floor and wrapping his arm around Frank's waist. He pulls the man in closer and kisses his jaw. “I'm glad you need him,” he whispers. “It gives me purpose. A reason to stick around. And I'm not saying I want to give up or anything, it's just easier to keep fighting when someone says they need you to stick around.”

Frank turns onto his side again to face Gerard and smiles sadly. “I'll always need you.”

“I hope so,” Gerard replies before kissing him soundly and falling asleep with Frank in his arms.

. . .

Ryan looks very sick the morning they leave the pit stop and Gerard doesn't know what to do. Ryan insists he's fine, but Ryan seems like the type to say he's fine when he's itching to tie a noose or jump off a bridge, so the response does nothing to placate Gerard's worries.

“It's just nerves,” Ryan explains as they move, darting from car to car, building to building, and street to street, heading for the outskirts and beyond of LA. “Some days I get these bad feelings and they give me this horrible anxiety, but it's usually nothing.”

“Bad feelings are your instincts,” Frank chides as he peeks around a corner and motions for them to move on when he sees it's safe. “And you're the one always telling us to listen to our instincts. Like when you were teaching us that the difference between shooting a target and hitting a target are listening to those little tidbits in your head.”

Ryan frowns. “I know. I just don't like to think about what the tidbits mean when the voices giving them sound scared.”

. . .

Gerard wants to stop Ryan, wants to reach forward and pull him back. There's a horde of thirty to fifty Geeks and Ryan isn't taking cover.

He's staring at the shambling corpse of Spencer Smith with an emptiness in his eyes that frightens Gerard.

“Ryan!” Mikey yells from where the rest of them are perched atop a semi truck. He's trying to get Ryan to snap out of it and come up to them, to where it's safe, but Ryan's not awake right now. Gerard knows he's shut down, can't blame him at all. Spencer Smith is...

Spencer Smith is a zombie.

Gerard wants to vomit and he moves to climb down the ladder that they had climbed to reach the top of the semi when Ray beats him to it. The man climbs down and runs to Ryan's side and the horde is close, too close, but he doesn't force Ryan to move. Instead, he moves in front of the broken man and pulls him into this hug.

Its enough to wake Ryan up.

Ryan lifts his gun and shoots Spencer point-blank between the eyes before pulling Ray back to the semi-truck and forcing Ray up first before following behind. As they climb from the semi to the closest building with the help of an obvious and horrific car accident, Gerard glances back to Ryan constantly to make sure the younger man is still behind them.

Gerard knows that Ryan is only with them physically; he also knows that Ryan has been taken from them in ways that Gerard will never be able to understand. And they'll never get him back again without Spencer Smith.

Because nothing is worse than shooting your best friend between the eyes for his own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	5. Please Pass to Another Person In Need of Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan copes with half the problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super short i'm sorry this is more of a stepping stone to bigger things
> 
> sorry about any typos

No one is on watch that night.

They'd waited out the horde to let Ryan grieve but once the monsters had dissipated, Ryan had climbed down from the rooftop and stumbled to Spencer's body to gather him in his arms and sit on the asphalt and cry silently. It had broken Gerard's heart to watch and he still couldn't handle the empty sadness in Ryan's eyes.

Ray had helped Ryan burn Spencer's body.

It was nice to know, that even through all of this shit, Ray could still step up and be the rock they all needed when shit went sour, or worse. Mikey had tried to stay at Ryan's side with Ray, but he was like Gerard. It was hard to see someone in so much pain just shut down, especially when it was Ryan Ross. Ryan had saved them more times than Gerard could count, and they couldn't even help him. Gerard had never felt more useless. Even Frank was taking this hard-- he would pace back and forth on the other side of the fire and mumble to himself about how they could get Ryan out of this, but it was all in vain. They couldn't do a thing.

So no one is on watch that night because none of them want to leave Ryan alone. They stay with the semi, open up the back and unload all the Twinkies and Chocodiles and Zingers and all these confectioneries that would make Gerard sick to his stomach now. They unload all of that shit and coax Ryan into the semi back, then close the door. It feels safer than most places they've stayed at before and that's enough. 

Ryan doesn't say a word the whole night. To fill the silence with more silence, Ray pulls Ryan into his arms from behind and Mikey hangs onto Ryan's side. Gerard leans against Ryan's other side and Frank curls up, his head against Ryan's chest and his body in his lap and it would be nice if Ryan hadn't trembled with emotion and pain the whole night. His shudders were a reminder of how fucked up everything is and how broken Ryan is and how much worse this life could get. Because Gerard still has Frank and Ray and Mikey and that was enough of his family to keep him going, but Ryan has no one. Ryan has no one at all.

It wasn't like Ryan had had much family before this all ended, but Gerard knows enough about Ryan to know that he'd always seen Spencer as his family, even moreso than his actual father. Gerard isn't expecting this to be easy and he isn't expecting it to be quick. Helping Ryan cope with this loss is going to be a long and painful process and Gerard knows that he and his family need Ryan to know that they are here for him in every way.

And as they curl up together in the back of the semi, and as Ryan trembles like a leaf, Gerard knows that Ryan is their family.

. . .

“Do you wanna keep going?” Mikey asks in a respectfully quiet voice the next morning, cautious of triggering Ryan in any way. “Or do you wanna stay? Because we can stay for as long as you need.”

Ryan shakes his head. “It's not safe,” he murmurs. “We need to keep moving.” He extracts himself from Ray's arms (who's still asleep, somehow) and stands, moving to the end of the semi to stare at the rear door. It's weird but Gerard isn't going to judge him for anything Ryan says or does or even thinks for the next week or so out of courtesy and empathy. Unless it could get them killed; then Gerard would definitely have a thing or two to say.

“We're not really safe anywhere,” Frank sighs, having fallen back to rest his head in Ray's lap. “Might as well be somewhere you're comfortable. Especially after--”

Gerard smacks Frank on the arm and sends him a sharp glare. Frank shuts up.

“It'd be safer for us to keep moving,” Ryan continued like Frank hadn't spoken.

“We don't want you to force yourself,” Mikey interjects in a low voice. “The last thing we want is you getting hurt because your head isn't on straight. We need to know that you're able to--”

“If you think I can't protect you guys like you want,” Ryan interjects almost harshly, and that is when it dawns on Gerard that they may be offending Ryan by insinuating a weakness. “then I can just fucking leave. It's not like I haven't been waiting for you guys to tell me to fuck off. Just say it now and get it the hell over with.”

It's more emotion than Gerard's ever heard Ryan use and it scares him, scares him almost as much as the words he's saying. Mikey stops talking immediately and looks to Gerard for help, but Gerard doesn't know what to say.

“Don't be such a dick to yourself,” Frank growls. “You think we're just gonna toss you aside like trash? We're not those assholes you started with, Ryan Ross, we're fucking in it with you for the long run. You're family and that's final and no one's making you leave, okay? Ever. You're stuck with us and you better fucking like it or I'm going to be seriously offended.”

Ryan wilts, his shoulders slumping in what can only be exhausted defeat. Then his body begins to tremble again with what Gerard assumes are sobs, so he moves forward and wraps his arms around Ryan from behind. “You mean a lot to all of us,” he tells Ryan quietly in his ear. He can't see Ryan's face but he hears the stifled noises that attest to Ryan crying. “Hell, you mean the world to me, Ryan. You've saved me and my family more times than I can count and we'd be dead without you, don't you realize that? We love you, Ryan. We don't want you to leave us anymore than you wanted to be left.”

Ryan turns in Gerard's arms and holds onto him so tight Gerard can feel his spine pop, but he doesn't protest when he hears Ryan sob out a pitiful, “my brother's dead.”

. . .

It's another few hours before Ryan practically forces them all from the semi after making sure their surroundings were safe enough.

Gerard is very, very, really fucking worried because Ryan is a bit more... suicidal than usual. He no longer aims to protect himself when moving around corners. He doesn't seem to care about his survival, only the survival of the others, and while Gerard appreciates the concern and the security, he is so fucking worried for Ryan.

. . .

“I'm sorry about Spencer,” Gerard has the guts to say two nights later on top of a van as they're once again heading for the outskirts of LA. He's up top with Ryan and Ryan nearly died twice today and Gerard knows they need to fix this and they need to fix this now. Mikey and Ray and Frank are all awake and lying quietly below, listening for any sign that Gerard may need more help in persuading Ryan towards valuing his own life again. “He was your best friend and it was horrible you had to find him like that.”

Ryan shrugs, actually fucking shrugs, and Gerard is astounded by the words that leave Ryan's lips next. “Not any worse than how you found your wives and children,” he says softly. “You're probably in a worse state than I am, even though you have Frank now. Congrats again, by the way.”

Gerard is confused by this one-eighty of Ryan's apathy.

“I just...” Ryan pauses, obviously thinking. “I feel bad.”

Gerard is also confused by this confession. “You feel bad?” he repeated almost incredulously. “Why? I mean, you can't blame yourself for this. It's not like you were very near him when the world ended.”

“I wish that was what I felt bad about,” Ryan replies. “I wish that was why I hated myself right now. It'd be so much easier if I just blamed myself for him turning into a waking corpse. Fuck, I wish I was guilty about putting a bullet in his head, but what the fuck was I supposed to do? It would have felt worst to have left him like that-- to have left him as a fucking shell, you know? Better dead than undead.”

“Then why do you feel bad?” Gerard prods gently.

“Because I'm more scared that Brendon's like him than I am upset over Spencer being gone,” Ryan whispers and Gerard feels like he's been punched in the fucking gut, holy shit. 

He doesn't now what to say to that.

“I feel more when I think of Brendon as one of those things than I do when I remember what Spencer's face looked like after I'd shot him,” he continues in a painfully small voice. “The thought of Brendon being a zombie is more horrifying than Spencer's dead body and I fucking hate myself for that. Because Spencer had been there for me since day one, but somehow my stupid heart cares more about Brendon and it makes me feel sick. Like there's a selfish monster in me that I need to cut out of my skin before it's really too late.” 

Gerard shakes his head. “You, you're not,” but he cuts himself off because he didn't know what to say or how to respond. What is he supposed to say to that? It's okay? It's understandable and normal? Fuck, this is a huge thing and kinda messed up and Gerard doesn't know what to say.

“I'm sure Brendon's fine,” Gerard murmurs instead. 

Ryan doesn't respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	6. Rummaging Through Your List of Reasons to Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's not better and he might just be worse and that just isn't okay, okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus fuck i am so sorry it took me so long to write this. college is a lot more than i remember it being. sorry, for those who care. this one is like a page longer than usual so i hope that makes up for it.
> 
> typos~ love me some typos. sorry about them.

Ryan stops talking altogether after his confession to Gerard that night atop the car and all of them are worried beyond complacency. As if it isn't bad enough that Ryan stops eating and stops watching his own back, he also has to just shut down completely, like no one else is relying on him, like no one else cares about him. The world's fucking ended and it's not going to be the monsters that kill Ryan Ross, it's going to be himself.

Gerard is scowling and shooting zombies as well as he can aim from his perch atop a two-story McDonalds. Ray had suggested that Gerard take out his frustration on something that they were pretty sure didn't feel pain before he lashed out at Frank or Mikey or someone, whoever. All Gerard knows is that he feels a sick sense of satisfaction each time a bullet hits home in a corpse. Maybe his mind and sense of morality is deteriorating with the constant adrenaline and fear and gore and blood. Maybe Ray is right to be scared Gerard could hurt them in a fit of anger, maybe Gerard is fucking losing it like Ryan is and maybe--

“Gee?” Frank calls out quietly and that's when Gerard notices that the sun is down and he's still up here, killing these things. Gerard frowns and wonders how he hadn't ran out of ammo. “Gee, you've been up here for hours and it's dark. Mikey is worried you're gonna get sick.”

“Are you worried?” Gerard shoots back without thinking. He winces and rolls of his stomach to face Frank and apologize, but the man and smiling, so Gerard relaxes. 

“I just don't want my pillow to be cold tonight,” Frank replies with a shit eating grin. “It'll take hours to warm you up at this point and I admit that I might be too small of a man to do the job. Unless you let me cheat a bit and try things my own way.” Frank wiggles his brow ridiculously and Gerard laughs.

“You're fucking weird,” he sighs as he forces himself to his feet, joints popping and muscles straining in protest. “Fuck,” Gerard hisses as he stretches. “Shouldn't have been like that for so long.”

He looks back to Frank and sees the smile is gone. “Frankie?” he asked with a hint of anxiety in his tone, because it's not like Frank to lose a smile so quickly. 

“Ryan still won't eat,” Frank says. “Mikey's tried everything. He's gonna collapse soon.”

Gerard nods slowly, his good mood brought on from Frank's presence gone. “We can't make him do anything he doesn't want to,” he reminds the other sadly. “It's just not in our rights. We don't know what he's going through, Frankie. We haven't lost someone like he has.”

Frank scowls. “What, losing our wives isn't the same?” he spits bitterly and Gerard sighs.

“It isn't,” he replies as calmly as he can, not wanting to argue. “You loved Jamia and I loved Lindsey, no one is doubting that. But we never knew them like Ryan knew Spencer. Ryan and Spencer went through almost everything together. Spencer saved Ryan probably more times than he know about. Spencer was, like, the definition of safety and security. And Ryan had to shoot him. So yeah, it isn't the same. It's worse for him.”

Frank wrinkled his nose. “Seriously? You're comparing our wives to his friend?”

“Spencer was more than a friend to Ryan,” Gerard responds with slightly narrowed eyes. “You know that.”

He can visibly see the moment where Frank concedes.

“I just want him to start eating again,” Frank huffs. “And being normal and shit, you know? I mean, we didn't really know him that well before this but he had to have smiled at least once a day, right? His life couldn't have been all terrible. Now he just wants to die so he can see his friend again.”

“He's got the guilt too, though, remember?” Gerard prods. “About Brendon. Feeling more over Brendon possibly being dead than the reality of Spencer actually being dead. That has to fuck you up in ways I don't think you or me understand. I don't think I want to understand, Frank, because I know that I'd have to lose Mikey to really get it, and I really can't fucking lose Mikey...”

Gerard trails off on his last sentence as his mind swims with the nightmares he'd held at bay ever since this whole shitfest began. He swallows heavily and shakes his head to clear it. “We gotta look at this from his perspective.”

“Brendon doesn't deserve Ryan,” Frank grumbles seemingly out of the blue, though Gerard gets it. Ryan's been nothing but good to them, nothing but selfless and they can't say the same for Brendon after the end of the world. So for now, Brendon doesn't deserve Ryan.

“No one deserves Ryan,” Gerard chuckles, albeit with a hint of darkness. “Not even the fucking world itself deserves him. That's why it's trying to kill him.”

Frank's nose scrunches up in dismay and a hint of anger. “It's fucked up, Gee,” he says and Gerard moves forward to wrap his arms around Frank's neck and kiss him, busying his mouth with Frank's lips so he can't say what he's thinking--

'Everything's fucked up, even you and me, and I love it.'

. . .

Ryan is screaming for a zombie's attention as Frank and Mikey and Ray try to get Gerard uncaught from the sharp corners of the vehicle that had literally come out of nowhere. He had literally been walking/creeping behind the others, minding his own fucking business, when this broken truck had careened down the street, barely missing Gerard, but really not missing him at all. His hand is wedged between the fender and he can see only two monsters shambling around, but only for now. Ryan's off to the side and he's screaming and waving his arms like a maniac with no regard for his own safety and Gerard is crying, he knows he is, and it's because it hurts so much, but not from his hand. He can't feel his hand and he's getting dizzy and the horror and fear he sees on Frank's face is making him sick because Frank is thinking what Gerard is thinking and that is that they may have to leave him behind.

Ryan's not yelling anymore suddenly, and Gerard looks to where he is supposed to be making noise, half expecting to see him being devoured and bloody in the arms of zombies, his throat torn out so he couldn't scream ever again. 

He's shocked when he sees Ryan suddenly at his side, then above the truck. Ryan braces himself against the wall and pushes the truck with his legs, face straining with effort. Amazingly enough the weight from his mostly numb hand lifted and Frank pulled him away and stumbled over his own feet before pulling Gerard into his arms and sprinting for safety, holding Gerard to his body. His hand begins to hurt as it catches up with the fact that everything is broken and he sobs wretchedly before smacking a hand over his mouth. Frank throws him bodily against a fire escape ladder and he climbs, just climbs, no eyes anywhere by the sky. 

He can feel Frank follow, then looks down after reaching the second level to see Mikey and Ray and...

“Where's Ryan?” he demands feebly once Frank joins him. Frank stares at him for three seconds too long, then darts to the railing to look over the edge and see for himself that Ryan isn't there. 

“He's coming!” Ray calls up. 

Frank and Gerard both lean over the railing at a dangerous angle to look past the large man and see literally right behind Ray, though something in his expression was haunting and suggestive towards the fact of Ryan not being on the ladder off his own will.

Still, their sighs of relief are there and they're real and Mikey joins them on the second level, Ray and Ryan close behind, and that's enough for now.

But later, Gerard is going to really let Ryan have it.

. . .

“You can't just give up on us!” Gerard shouts desperately atop the roof. The stairwell of the sanctuary is clear for at least five floors down and they're as safe as they can get during daylight. Gerard's refusing to have his hand treated because it's good leverage to get Ryan to talk to him, or at least listen. Also a painful threat for his family and himself alike, but this is more important.

“Ryan, you're out there and waiting to die,” he stresses, brow turning up in despair. “I can't handle that. None of us can, we can't go out there and survive if we're worried you're going to let yourself be killed without a fight!”

Ryan's not answering him, not even looking at him. His gaze his hazy and far away, directed past Gerard and at the city behind him, though his eyes aren't actually focused. It reminds Gerard of he corpses they fight and it fills him with dread. “Please say something,” he begs, taking a step forward and reaching out for Ryan, almost as if he wants to grab Ryan and forcibly shake him into awareness and life again.

But while Ryan still didn't respond, he did have enough awareness to flinch away from Gerard's outstretched hand and that hurt more than the hollowness in his eyes.

“Ryan,” he calls out in a tiny, weak voice. “Please...”

He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks back to see Frank, his expression solemn. “C'mon, Gee,” the other man says quietly. “We need to fix your hand. It could get really infected or something.”

“We don't have antibiotics,” Mikey points out.

“I'll get them,” Ryan suddenly says, and he's down the fire escape and out of sigh before anyone can protest. Ray glances at Mikey who looks to Frank and Frank looks to Gerard like he always has the answers, cause he usually has had all the answers before, but he doesn't know how to deal with this. Ryan's already out of the alley way.

Gerard's scared that he'll never see him again.

. . .

“We're worried about you,” Frank is saying from atop the minivan. The van itself smells like baby powder and milk and blood and there had been a car seat with red stains that Ray hadn't been able to even look at. Gerard's down with Mikey and Ray, curling up in the middle seat where the car seat had been. Gerard's hand is cleaned and wrapped and he has pills in his mostly empty stomach, but Mikey had offered him two granola bars that Gerard had rejected, so it's his fault he's hungry and queasy.

“You shouldn't be,” Ryan replies quietly, and Gerard can almost picture the empty expression he must be wearing. “Trust me, don't worry about it.”

Mikey's watching Gerard listen to the two men above with unreadable eyes. Gerard looks back at him and waves him off, trying to tell him he should sleep like Ray is without words. Mikey cuts his eyes to Ray and oh, Ray's awake. And he's also looking at Gerard sternly.

“Fuck you, Ross,” Frank snaps, and that's when Gerard realizes he hasn't been paying attention. “You think that we don't care? That we don't realize you're hurting? That we don't even wanna see you stop hurting, that we just want you to be our bait or shield or whatever? We fucking care, you asshole! So stop trying to push us away and get yourself killed just because you're too dumb to see what's in front of you!”

Gerard flinches and rethinks the idea that having Frank talk to Ryan is a good idea.

“What do you want me to do?” Ryan asks weakly. “Take your word for it? People lie, Frank, a lot. Especially when they way something from someone. They lie and cheat and steal and hurt people just to keep themselves happy and safe and up in their little tower of perfection and shit and I'm tired of believing people just to have them turn around and spit in my face and stab me in the back.”

“Why would we stab you in the back?” Frank asks incredulously. “Dude, we're all we have! Us five, that's all that's left! We're not gonna cut it down to four, especially when the fifth guy knows his shit about surviving and all that bull.”

“And that's the only reason?” Ryan sighs. “I keep your friends alive. Awesome. Glad to know I'm worth something in this fucking nightmare.”

“That's not the only reason, you ass,” and Gerard can hear Frank get angrier. “Stop trying to shove us in the same fucking boat as the people who hurt you. It's fucking insulting and absolutely, one hundred percent, unfair to all of us and yourself!”

“You've never proved otherwise!” and Ryan's voice is rising and this doesn't sound good. “All you've ever asked of me is to throw my life on the line so no one else has to! All you've ever done is asked me to keep Gerard alive, and I'm fine with that, but it doesn't exactly convince me you care about me too! And maybe you don't, maybe you're lying now just so I'll stop being a mopey little shithead so you can get on with using me and fucking your boyfriend and let me fucking d--”

Ryan is cut off by the sound of flesh meeting flesh and when Ryan lets out a cry of pain, Gerard knows Frank hit him. There's tense silence and he has half a mind to climb up there and put a stop to this when Frank begins to speak again.

“Stop hating yourself,” Frank whispers and Gerard looks up to see Frank holding Ryan through the sunroof. “Stop hating us and yourself for what happened. I'm sorry Brendon isn't here and I'm sorry things ended between the two of you like it did. I'm sorry he hurt you with whatever happened and I'm sorry your friends betrayed you, but we are not those people. Me, Ray, Mikey, and Gee. We are not those people and we fucking love you, Ryan. We don't care if you can protect us. We care if you're hurting.”

If Gerard listens carefully, he can hear the sound of Ryan crying softly.

. . .

“I don't want you to die,” Mikey tell Ryan softly as they eat cans of cold beans the next morning. There's a storm on the horizon and the zombies are skittish and growling and stumbling around with as much fear and anxiety as a corpse can have. Mikey's arm is around Ryan's shoulders and Ryan's jaw is bruised like Frank's right knuckles. “I love you, Ryan. And I love having you around, just in general. So don't check out on me yet, okay?”

Ryan nods and sniffles and Gerard had hoped he would have been done crying days ago, but that is a selfish thought, so he ignores it and hands Ryan another can of beans. “You haven't been eating enough,” Gerard explains softly when Ryan frowns at him. “It's not good for you and I don't want to see if you can even get any skinnier.”

“You're already a skeleton,” Ray cuts in with a worried smile. “Eat up, Ross. Even the zombies won't want a piece of you when you're all bone.”

“Wouldn't that be a desirable trait?” Frank cuts in with his mouth half full. “I mean, you'd want to be avoided and not eaten and all that shit, right? Just, like, get really skinny and they won't eat you cause there isn't much for them to have in the first place.”

“Let's not encourage Ryan not eating,” Mikey deadpans with a scowl. “Please.”

Ryan just shrugs and smirks at Frank. “I think it's a pretty solid idea. Feel free to test it out.”

Frank laughs and Ryan's smile reaches his eyes and maybe this will be okay?


	7. Progress, Not Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moving things along now, Ryan might actually have a shot at a happy ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah 
> 
> hi there
> 
> if you're still reading this, i'm super duper sorry
> 
> this'll be done in another chapter or so
> 
> this one's short but gets a lot done
> 
> i'm back
> 
> sorry

Ryan is awake before Ray and Frank (who are on watch) even notice something’s wrong. Gerard wakes with Ryan because Ryan’s stomach had been his pillow last night in absence of Frank. Ryan sits up and covers Gerard’s mouth with his hand, finger out in Mikey’s direction to hush him as he rouses into reality. Ray and Frank are silent.

Car alarms suddenly blare from all sides and Ryan is yelling for Gerard and Mikey to climb to the roof of the car. 

“Gee!” Frank calls out, hand held to Gerard through the sunroof. And Gerard is climbing through, wild-eyed and scared, looking around in a flurry of panic. “What set it off?” Frank demands as Ryan comes up top after Mikey. 

“I don’t know,” Ryan says, looking around. Zombies are rushing towards them, only them, to the car alarms from the cars that are inconveniently surrounding them. “We need to leave.”

“How?” Ray asks as he pulls up his new shotgun from the carseat below. “There’s nowhere we can go, they’re on all sides and we can’t roof hop. There aren’t any cars past this.”

“Fuck,” Mikey croaks out and Gerard pulls his scared baby brother into his side.

“Ray,” Ryan calls out sharply. “Ray, I need you to listen to me.”

Ray turns to Ryan with open ears and Gerard begins to relax, knowing Ryan knows what he’s doing.

“I”m going to get in a car,” Ryan says. “I’m gonna get in and hot-wire it and blare the horn and drive away. You’re going to take them and get to that building, the tattoo parlor, see it?” He’s pointing off in a direction but Gerard isn’t looking because he’s staring at Ryan in horror as Ryan suggests a suicide mission. “I’ll try to get back to you guys in a days time, okay? Just take them and run, don’t worry about me.”

“I thought you were over dying,” Mikey cuts in, looking just as shocked by Ryan’s plan.

“I don’t want to die,” Ryan responds quickly. “But I want you guys to live more. You got the plan, Ray?”

Ray looks sick, but he nods.

“Good.” Ryan slings his rifle over his shoulder and rests a hand on Ray’s shoulder before moving to slide down to the hood of the car and jump to another.

But in that moment, there’s a loud bang and crash to the right. Gerard’s head whips in that direction just in time to see a semi truck go up in flames. The zombies are drawn to the sound and the heat and begin to shamble towards the fire, groaning and screaming and no longer looking to where Gerard and his family are.

“Go, go!” Frank is yelling, pushing Mikey down in the opposite direction of the semi, the most clear path. “Fucking go, Mikey!”

Mikey’s feet hit the concrete and he immediately holds his arms open for any supplies. But Ryan is pushing Frank down right after Mikey, only going for weapons. Gerard slides down with Frank and Ryan and Ray hit the floor just after. They run for the closest building, an old Texaco with wood closing up the windows. They’re shocked when the door is opened for them and Gerard is pulled into the dark, dusty gas station with the others.

Inside, it’s too dark to see for a long moment. Gerard can hear someone else breathing.

“Ryan fucking Ross,” a gruff voice says and then Gerard hears a noise of surprise from Ryan, followed by an awed, “Zack!” Then the sound of bodies hitting and what sounds like a, a laugh? From Ryan?

“Zack,” Ryan says again. “Jesus, what the hell? How are you here? How are you alive?”

“I can’t see!” Mikey calls out, sounding very uncomfortable and scared.

“Shit,” says the gruff voice. “Hold on.”

There’s the sound of fumbling limbs and old leather and then a click as a camp lantern is brought to life and warm light fills the station. The air is thick with dirt and a large man in a leather jacket with an oddly kind smile is just grinning at Ryan. 

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” Ryan says softly, before moving in to hug the man, probably for the second time if Gerard’s ears had been right. “Seriously, man, how are you still here? I, I saw…” Ryan visibly stutters over the words he’s about to say before recovering. “I saw Spencer…”

“Where?” the man asks, frowning.

“A ways away,” Ryan says. “He was… He’s gone, Zack.”

The man grimaces and nods. “Shoulda known,” he sighed. “Not everyone gets lucky.”

“Who are you?” Mikey asks, obviously feeling more talkative than Gerard.

“Shit,” Ryan says this time. “Guys, this is, uh, this is Zack. The bodyguard of Panic!, yeah? Well, was, at least. He, uh, he’s a good guy. Old friend, too.”

“So it’s cool?” Ray asks. “We’re safe? Or as safe as we can be?”

“Safe,” Zack repeats with a nod of his head. “Me and B have had this place safeguarded for the past week and nothing’s gotten the jump on us. It’s pretty damn safe, safest I’ve felt since all this shit started. Cozier, too. Get’s pretty warm if we block the under draft in the back.”

“B?” Ryan speaks up in a tiny, timid voice. “Is that… Is Brendon still alive?”

Zack nods, not at all understanding the significance like Gerard and Mikey and Ray do. “He’s the one who threw the grenade, got you guys out of your shit storm. What the hell happened? Why’d the alarms go off?”

“Something must have hit the cars, chain reaction,” Frank says a bit dismissively, eyes trained on Ryan just like Gerard’s are. Ryan is staring at nothing, staring past Zack, facing a wall. His eyes have gotten far away and hazy and Gerard isn’t sure if he’s happy or scared; happy because Brendon is alive, or scared because now he’ll have to face Brendon and the pain of unrequited love. Gerard feels bad for assuming that the love is still unrequited, but they’re realists now. They don’t really hope for fairytales. 

Zack’s looking at Ryan with a frown. “You okay, Ross?”

Ryan flinches back into awareness and shrugs. “Will Brendon be back?”

“Soon,” Zack says. “He takes the lifted subway tracks. Rails and stuff. It’s safe, really, the little monsters can’t walk the thin tracks, not like B can.”

Ryan actually smiles. It’s shaky and it looks like it hurts, but it’s there. Zack returns it just as shakily. 

“I’ve missed you, kid,” Zack says. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Ryan wipes something from his eyes, takes in a quivering breath, and looks round. “You know these guys, right? Gerard and Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero? The, uh, the M-C-R guys.”

“I know them,” Zack says with a tiny grin.

“Yeah,” Ryan murmurs. “They’re uh, they’re my—”

“Family,” Mikey cuts in. “We’re his family. We were up shit creek and then he saved us.” Mikey smiles firmly at Ryan, as if trying to drive a point into his head. “He’s our family.”

Zack’s smile becomes wider. 

A clatter sounds in the next room and Brendon practically saunters into the room, singing. 

“Sending out an S.O.S.!” Brendon sings in a near tenor. “Sending out an S.O.S.! Sending out an S.O…” That’s the exact moment that Brendon sees Ryan. Even the dust in the air seems to stand still as their eyes meet across the room, almost like a romance novel or a horror movie. Gerard actually holds his breath.

“… Hey RyRo,” Brendon breathes before crossing the floor and wrapping his arms around Ryan in a fierce hug, puling their bodies together so solidly that Gerard can hear the moment their chests hit. Gerard also hears Ryan let out a tiny whimper of pain. Or maybe happiness? Gerard can’t see Ryan’s expression, he’s hidden his face in Brendon’s neck and Brendon isn’t pulling away. 

“You guys will stay,” Zack says to Gerard, watching Brendon and Ryan with his widest smile. “The more the merrier. Just don’t make too much noise, okay? It’s been safe here for a long time. We don’t wanna lose that.”

Gerard nods, watching Ryan and Brendon too. “Safe,” he repeated softly.

Zack nodded. “Safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Message in a Bottle" belongs to The Police


	8. Keep Working for the Disney Ending You Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're on the move and things are looking up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaaaaaat an update so soon what is this the twilight zone
> 
> it's pretty weird that i got this up
> 
> enjoy if you enjoy it
> 
> sorry for any typos
> 
> really
> 
> so sorry for typos

Gerard startles awake to the sound of Ryan and Brendon whispering to each other in the dark.

He rolls onto his side and tries to shut his eyes against the whispers that pierce through the quiet of the night, tries not to listen in on a conversation that he certainly isn’t mean to hear. The whispers sound so soft almost intimate, so loving that it’s hard for Gerard to ignore. So he couldn’t deny himself a peak.

Gerard looks back and sees Ryan and Brendon, sitting up, facing each other with a flashlight between them and pointing at the ceiling. They’re staring into each others eyes and just talk, but they’re also so close, the flashlight casting shadows up their faces like black paint. Then Gerard hears the words, “I’m sorry,” tossed between them with unintelligible words between. He turns back with burning ears, knowing that there is something going down between those men and it is infinitely hopeful in a way that makes Gerard’s heart flutter with hope.

He looks up and barely makes out the the glint of Frank’s eyes, just in front of him and knows Frank is awake, because none of them sleep with their eyes open (even though it might be a helpful skill in the apocalypse). 

Gerard smiles to Frank, not sure if he can see it. He hears Frank shuffle closer, then there is hot breath on his face and lips against his. He’s impressed Frank kissed him on the lips on his first try. Gerard lifts his hand to cup Frank’s face and kisses back. Then, Frank pulls away and scoots closer, settling against Gerard on the ground. Gerard hears Frank let out a sight through his nose and relaxes his own body, feeling safer than he’s felt since he’d slept in his own bed.

. . .

“I don’t know why you wanna leave this place,” Mikey sighs. His hair is a mess from the night before because the gas station has back rooms with doors and locks, so Ray and Mikey had been quick to settle down in one of the room. Zack had taken another and Frank and Gerard had slept together in the main room, under the impression that Ryan and Brendon would be off somewhere else. Gerard doesn’t mind that he was wrong.

“This place is safe, Gee,” his little brother continues. “I love it here. The door locks! And we have a great vantage point from the roof. It’s almost perfect!”

“And it’s the almost that I’m paying attention to,” Gerard tells him. “What if we go out and find somewhere that’s entirely perfect? Nothing wrong? Maybe even find ourselves a well or something with water that won’t run out in a few years. Bottled water is great, but scavenging is dangerous. We need something permanent and close to home base for it to be absolutely perfect.”

“He’s right,” Brendon cuts in. “I’ve gotten most of the water I can find in a few blocks radius. After that, it became too dangerous to go alone.”

“Not even the monorail tracks?” Ryan asks, sitting close enough to Brendon to make Gerard want to giggle and speculate. 

Brendon shakes his head. “Cuts away down south. Probably an explosion or an accident or something. It doesn’t go all the way like it used to. And I wasn’t able to find a way to connect them or building hop to a connection because the zombies are there are, like, hundreds. Huge mobs of them. It was suicide.”

Gerard glances to Ryan and sees the way his expression shutters closed with what is probably pain and fear. He grimaces, knowing the agony of seeing a loved one near death from a few mistakes.

“So what do you suggest?” Zack asks, staying decidedly neutral in this whole conversation, like Ray. Frank is on Gerard’s side, thank god. Gerard knows he could never deny Frank something he wants.

“Leave the station,” Gerard says, trying to lead like he’s supposed to. “Head to the desert. People who lived out there usually dug wells and shit, got big stores of water, maybe. We can find something permanently safe out there, somewhere for us to thrive, and not just survive.”

“Are those lyrics?” Frank asks with a tiny frown. “I think those are lyrics.”

Mikey rolls his eyes. “It doesn’t matter if those are lyrics or not, what you’re suggesting is just as dangerous, if not more, than staying here. The windows are boarded up! The things don’t even seem to know we’re even in here!”

“They won’t as long as you keep your voice down,” Zack hisses.

Mikey scowls, but sits back and looks away, mumbling an apology.

“I think we should go,” Frank says. “I think it’s a better bet to find something permanently safe than jut settle with what we have no. Shit can go south in a matter of seconds. One of us could trip and drop some loud shit and then we’d be trapped, right? I mean, the wood’s been here awhile. I don’t think it can withstand much.”

Brendon grimaces. “So we’re leaving?”

“Tomorrow,” Gerard replies. “One more night here.”

“Gee and I call the back room,” Frank interjects with a pointed glare at Mikey and Ray. Gerard shakes his head and rests a hand on Frank’s shoulder. 

“Ryan and Brendon need it,” he says softly.

Ryan frowns and raises a brow. “We do?”

Gerard nods and smiles almost mysteriously. “You’ll both sleep better and you won’t need to worry about keeping watch, which I assume you were worried about, with the way you had the lamp light on all night.

Ryan blushes while Brendon’s face doesn’t give away a thing.

“We’ll take the back,” Brendon agrees.

. . .

“Do you think Brendon loves Ryan back now?”

Gerard looks down to Frank. He’s propped against the wall, sitting, with Frank in his lap. Gerard shrugs and places a kiss to the top of Frank’s head. “We can only hope, right?” he responds. “I mean, they were really intent with each other last night. Really close. Maybe something changed in Brendon over the course of these last few months. Maybe they could be something again.”

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Frank sighs. “Jesus, what would that do to Ryan? I mean, he’s strong again cause of Brendon. What if that strength goes away?”

“Then we’ll give him something else to be strong about,” Gerard replies like it’s as simple as he wishes it was.

. . .

It’s the next morning and no one seems very eager to leave their safe haven, Zack especially. Brendon does one last lookabout in the station before sighing and nodding his head in dismal approval. The plan is to make their way across the high rise rail tracks as far as they can before car hopping and just sneaking in and out of buildings if it comes to that.

“Don’t be look down if you’re afraid of heights,” Brendon warns them with a wry smirk. “It’s only a story or so. It won’t kill you, but you’ll definitely break something, and that spells death anyways.”

Ryan sticks close to Frank and Ray, eyes intent as they climb the ladder to the top of the building that leads them to the tracks. His mouth is set in a grim line and Gerard wishes he could hug him or something to make things a little less stressful.

“I’ll lead,” Brendon says. “Hold onto each other, okay? Hold onto the back of the shirt of the person in front of you. Give you a better chance to catch them and hold them if they fall.”

Ryan takes up the rear of the line without a word and this visibly worries Brendon.

The way is slow and shaky. The monorail lines aren’t exactly solid like Gerard had always assumed they were, though it makes sense that they’re not. They sway slightly with the wind and the weight and Gerard knows that’s to keep it from collapsing, just like how skyscrapers are flexible. 

The order begins with Brendon, then Mikey and Ray follow, then Frank and Gerard, then Zack, and finally Ryan. Gerard doesn’t hear a word from Ryan the whole time and always assumes the worst— that he’s dropped away to the ground below, not even letting out a scream. But Zack isn’t yelling out that they need to stop so Gerard just has to believe that Ryan’s still there and not being eaten alive with broken bones beneath.

“I’m scared to look down,” Frank says. “And see someone I know. Knew. Aren’t you, Gee?”

“I am,” Gerard agrees and feels more human than ever in that moment.

. . .

The rail ends a good four miles down the track and Gerard’s feet scream with the pain if cramped muscles before painstakingly tiptoeing across the rail and using his thighs and torso to keep balance. 

They all get off by jumping to the balcony of a condo just a yard from the splintering and falling tracks. Gerard looks at the metal of the rail and sees the blackness of combustion and knows Brendon is probably right in his assumption that there had been an explosion of shorts.

The condominium itself is empty and clean, save a thing layer of dust. The front door is lock, so Gerard assumes someone owned this condo and another somewhere else and went between the two with the weather, called snow bunnies or snow hoppers. There is a main bedroom with a king bed and then a children’s room with a bunkbed and there isn’t a speck of blood, nor a hint of decomposition. 

There’s even water stuck in the pipes of the shower and sink and everyone washes down as thoroughly as they can before the water runs dry because gravity is no longer on their side. Still, it’s a godsend and feels amazing to wash the dirt and blood and grime from their bodies. Frank tastes like Frank when Gerard kisses him, more than he ever has before, and Gerard could cry.

Mikey, Gerard, Ray, and Frank all share the king bed. They curl up together under the stiff, yet soft blankets and everyone falls asleep almost instantly, except Gerard. He’s not even in bed, actually, even though he should be

He’s sitting on the contemporary couch in the living room with Ryan.

“We were talking,” Ryan whispers to Gerard in the dark. “Me and B. We were talking about everything that ever happened, you know? About the split up, the broken relationships, the fans, the way we handled it after. He apologized and I apologized. And I think everything is okay now, at least between him and me.”

“You smile more,” Gerard adds, smiling himself. “You have no idea how happy that makes us.”

Ryan smiles again, and it’s soft and real. “I never thought I’d get a second chance,” he murmurs. “I always thought I’d lost him for good, and that was the end of it. I never thought that he’d survive this, let alone run into him. It’s like a dream. A really bad dream that suddenly turned for the best, while everyone else turned for the worst. I almost feel bad…”

Gerard shakes his head. “Fuck feeling bad,” he responds. “You deserve this. So what if they chance at a happy ending came with the end of the world? It’s still something, right?”

Ryan smiles wider and nods. “It’s something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm planning on one, maybe two more chapters, and that's it
> 
> thans for reading
> 
> :)


	9. The Good, the Bad, and the Plain Fucking Awful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so things kinda have to get worse before they can get good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you'll notice that this chapter is, like, 1000 words longer than usual
> 
> that's cause we're almost done
> 
> i'm sorry if you found any major typos
> 
> if it bothers you beyond complacency, just message me and i'll fix it
> 
> thanks for reading

Gerard wakes up with his head in Ryan’s lap and numb legs. He groans and stretches, then groans again, because daylight is streaming through the windows and it’s too golden to be dawn.

“Fuck,” he bites out, realizing they’d slept through the day. He looks to Ryan and decides not to wake him. They can’t go anywhere once the sun’s gone and Ryan looks like he hasn’t slept well in months (which he really hasn’t) and Gerard thinks there isn’t any harm done with a couple more hours. He carefully extracts himself from Ryan’s body and creeps to the main bedroom, peaking out. Ray and Mikey are making out furiously next to a practically comatose Frank. Gerard’s heart swells with a sort of happiness at seeing his family so relaxed.

“Hey.”

Gerard flinches, startled. He whirls around and slumps in relief when he sees it’s Brendon. “Heart attack,” he mumbles. “Just, like, warn a guy next time?”

Brendon smirks. “How the hell do you warn a guy without talking?”

“Sorry,” Gerard sighs. “You’re right. Uh, hi.” He hasn’t been alone with Brendon up to this point, has never been alone with him ever, he’s pretty sure. “How’d you sleep?

Brendon shrugs and takes a bit of the apple Gerard realizes he’s eating. “Went on a grocery run,” he says with a smirk. “Couldn’t sleep. Not without Ryan. And since you and he were having some serious bonding on the couch, I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Sorry,” Gerard repeats with a grimace. “If I’d known, I would’ve let him go.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” the younger man says. He holds out another apple. “Want one? I’ve also got oranges.”

“Where the hell did you find these?” Gerard asks, gratefully taking the apple.

“The neighbors had trees on the porches,” he replies. “Limes, orange, apples. I think they even had some potatoes in a planter’s box. Pretty cool, really. They had to have been rich as fuck. Anyways, they were overgrown and there was a ton of fruit and, you know, it’s bad for a tree not to harvested, right? I think I read that on the internet somewhere. So I picked all that I could reach.” Brendon gestures to the kitchen, where Gerard sees there are plastic bags full of fruit. “Think that’ll hold us over for a week or so before it all starts to go bad.”

“You’re good at that?” Gerard asks. “Runs.”

“Yeah,” Brendon says. “I mean, you can’t see Zack slipping in and out of alleyways, right?” He giggles and Gerard is reminded of how infectious Brendon’s smile can be, even in photos. “He’s more like a tank than a drone. So I handle getting food and shit and he handles the zombies cause I’m, like, shit at all of that.”

“Yeah,” Gerard hums. “Yeah, I’m with you. I can take down a couple, but Ryan’s the best. At everything, really. Finding food, finding safe places, finding the best way in and out. He’s an amazing shot, too. And a killer.”

“Ryan?” Brendon scoffs. “A killer?”

Gerard nods. “Ryan’s the only reason we’re still alive.”

Brendon watches Gerard with an unreadable expression. “How bad was he when you found him?” he finally asks.

Gerard purses his lips. “He got fucked over by his friends,” he says. “They, uh, they left him for bait. After that he kinda just shut down. When we found him, he was just gunning down those things from the top of a store. And it took him weeks to finally realize we cared about him beyond his ability to get in a good shot.”

The other man sighs and nods. “Seems pretty stunted.”

Gerard mimics his nod, agreeing. “When he saw Zack, that was the first time any of us had ever heard him laugh. He just, he chooses not to feel, I mean, except when he saw Spencer.”

Brendon flinches. That’s how Gerard knows Brendon knows.

“When Ryan saw Spencer, he just couldn’t understand. Wouldn’t understand. We stayed in a truck all day and he just cried and cried and cried and it was probably one of the most horribly heart breaking things I’ve ever seen.”

“I told Ryan of how I watched Sarah get turned,” Brendon mumbles.

Gerard’s heart drops to his stomach. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. Then, “M-my wife and my little girl. They’re gone too.”

Brendon wipes his eyes, staring at the floor, looking like he was trying to save some face, but not doing well. “This sucks,” he says. “It’s just, it’s not fair. Why the hell do we have to lose our families to this? Why can’t we save everyone?”

Gerard shrugs. “Better some than none,” he says. “I mean, god. I wouldn’t want to keep going if I’d lost Mikey.”

Brendon nods again. “Zack helped,” he says. “He really did. He kept saying we’d find more people, that we’d find friends, maybe even people we knew. He kept telling me I owed it to Sarah to keep going, keep fighting. He said that I needed to live for the tiny chance that I might save someone else.” He pauses, smiling. “And then Ryan came.”

Gerard smiles too, because that statement is all that’s needed. “And then Ryan came.”

. . .

Ryan is surprisingly the last one to wake up, and only because Brendon is sitting down on the couch beside him and nudging him into wakefulness. Gerard really wishes they didn’t have to, but dawn is only a couple hours away and they need him to be awake to be moving. Ryan mumbles something in his twilight area of consciousness that makes Brendon smile so wide it looks like it hurts. Then Brendon looks up and sees everyone is looking at him and blushes faintly.

“He’s, uh, he’s tired,” is all Brendon says for explanation. Gerard giggles, because fuck yeah, this is awesome and everything’s kinda awesome now. He hasn’t seen a shambling corpse in over twenty-four hours and it feels good. Ryan slept for almost a straight day and Frank is eating an orange and moaning like he does when Gerard gets his grip at just the right angle.

“You sure we can’t let Ryan sleep a bit longer?” Mikey asks around his own mouthful of fruit. “Ryan, he’s the guy thats been carrying us for months, Gee. He needs a break.”

“He’ll have all the time in the world for a break once we’re out of the city,” Gerard replies. 

“Don’t you feel just a little sorry for him?” Frank also asks with a skeptical brow raised. It isn’t like Gerard to just push things aside, especially when they come to Ryan, even more so these days. “The kid’s been on watch so much. And he doesn’t eat. Doesn’t sleep. What’s a few more hours?”

“He’s gonna be incoherent,” Gerard explains. “He’s gonna be half asleep while we’re out there. That’s just too dangerous for all of us.Plus, I wanna get some of this food into him.”

Franks looks rather unhappy, but he nods to show he understands.

“It’ll be okay, Frankie,” Ray says, on his third apple.

Ryan whimpers rather pathetically and Brendon murmurs soft words to him that none of them can hear. Brendon’s cradling Ryan to his chest, petting his hair and whispering into his ear. It makes Gerard smile too. Then, Ryan stands on weak legs and rubs his eyes, looking at everyone blearily, sleep still clinging to his limbs. 

“Hey,” Ryan mumbles as Brendon stands and puts a hand on his back to help support him. “How long was I out?”

“Nearly a whole day,” Frank supplies helpfully with a grin. He holds up a large, red apple. “Eat up, soldier. We’re heading out once the sun’s up.”

Ryan yawns, looking a bit unsteady. Brendon sticks close behind him, catching Gerard’s gaze with a worried expression. Gerard returns it, noticing Ryan looks rather pale. “You been eating regularly, Ry?” he asks.

Ryan shrugs. “Usually would save the food for you guys…”

Mikey comes over with orange slices and puts them in front of Ryan. “Eat this up, it’s good for you,” he says with a tiny grin, proud of himself for whatever reference he made that Gerard doesn’t recognize. “Seriously, Ry,” he adds. “You can’t keep up with us like this. We’re not going to leave you, but we’d really like to leave today.”

“I’ll be fine,” Ryan says, though no one buys it. Mikey holds the slices in Ryan’s face with a stern look. Ryan smiles a bit and takes the fruit, sitting on the couch again and eating them carefully. Brendon sits beside him, biting his lower lip and watching Ryan with the eyes of an hawk.

Zack yawns too and stretches his arms into the air. “Well, if we’re not going anywhere, I wanna grab another half hour, if that’s cool.”

Gerard nods, deciding they’d leave as late as they could, not wanting to risk Ryan’s safety.

“Missed you last night,” Brendon murmurs. Ryan looked to him and smiles a bit sheepishly. 

“Got caught up,” he explains.

“I know,” Brendon replies, grinning. “Remember how much you worshipped these guys in high school?”

Ryan blushes a bit obviously embarrassed.

Frank giggles and launches himself at Ryan, tackling him onto the couch and straddling his waist. “I’m gonna feed you like the Greeks or whatever,” he proclaims, taking the fruit from Ryan’s hands, the younger man beneath him looking a bit startled, but nothing too serious. “Open up, Ross. Take your medicine like a good boy.”

Ryan rolls his eyes and opens his mouth as told. Gerard’s a bit jealous of where Ryan is, beneath Frank like that. Gerard wishes he was there. Underneath Frank. Frank.

Frank’s suddenly on his feet and kissing Gerard with a stupid grin. “Don’t be jealous,” he hums, and Gerard curses himself in his head because of course he is saying things out loud. “You’re my favorite ride.”

Gerard blushes and Brendon cackles.

. . .

“We need to be careful,” Zack says as they creep down the hall of the condominium to the stairs. “Pretty sure a lot of these places were overrun by those things. We were pretty lucky to find one that was locked up and actually kept that way.”

“Don’t you think we should have brought some of that fruit?” Brendon asks with a pout. “I mean, more than we did. I found that shit. I even picked it. Now it’s just gonna rot.”

“It added up,” Gerard sighs. “We took what we can, Brendon. I’m sorry.”

Brendon continues to pout until Ryan nudges him playfully with his shoulder. He smiles a bit at Brendon when their eyes meet and Brendon smirks, nudging Ryan back with his elbow. Then Ryan giggles a little, nudges back, then Brendon nudges back and they keep going like this until Brendon eventually just laughs and wraps an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and they walk like that down the hall.

Frank nudges Gerard with a pout. “You never hold me like that.”

Gerard smiles fondly and wraps an arm around Frank’s shoulder like Brendon has done with Ryan, though the height distance makes Gerard’s steps a bit cumbersome. He finds he doesn't care when he feels Frank’s body actually relax minutely and shorten his own steps so his left side is pressing against Gerard’s chest.

“The stairs,” Zack says, voice dimmed with what was probably dread. Gerard feels Frank tense again and thinks it’s a shame. He looks up and sees that Zack’s right— the stairwell door is right in front of them, a bookcase containing random nicknacks on either side of it. “Alright, everyone ready? Got your guns?”

“Wish I had a gun,” Brendon grumbles. Ryan bites his lip, meeting Gerard’s eyes, before he hands over his small pistol. 

“Four rounds left,” Ryan murmurs. Then, he pulls the bowie knife he’d pulled from a corpse a few days ago from his waistband and holds it in his hand like he’s known it for years. Brendon looks down the back end of the barrel of the gun to figure out how to line up a shot. Gerard hopes Brendon knows what he’s doing. He also hopes Ryan knows what he’s doing.

Frank tightens his grip on the bat, crowbar across his back. Mikey and Ray still have their firearms, Mikey with a sawed off he’d found and loved. Gerard has the second crowbar, the only thing he likes to use anymore. It’s quiet. That’s what Gerard likes.

“It’s gonna be dark,” Zack says. “I’ve got two flares left.”

“Flares?” Frank repeats. “Dude, that’s rad. We don’t have any of those. Never have.”

“They’re kinda loud,” Brendon says. “Bright. Usually these things react to the noise, then can make out the light. Honestly, we only use these as a last resort.”

“LA is quiet at three AM,” Ryan mumbles.

Brendon frowns. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Neither do we,” Mikey adds.

“It means we either do what’s safest and get nowhere or do what’s dangerous and get anywhere,” Ryan replies. “We’re better off taking a risk than not taking any at all, right?”

Brendon grins and bounces on his feet, looking very proud of Ryan.

Gerard smiles a bit at Ryan and turns forward with a nod. “Let’s do this.”

Zack nods and strikes the flare to life, pushing open the door to the stairs. The creak of the door is meet with the screech of the undead. Frank shudders against Gerard and Gerard ducks his head to kiss Frank like it’s their last. Frank tangles his hands in Gerard’s hair and Frank moans or whimpers, he isn’t sure which. His heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest and it’s hard to breath when all he wants to do is memorize Frank.

Someone clears his throat and Gerard pulls away to look up and see his brother, watching him with very, very sad eyes. Gerard doesn’t know the word to describe how sad he looks. Then he remembers that Mikey feels the same; he knows Mikey agrees with him when he says he’ll die for the man he loves.

“I’ll go first,” Ryan volunteers suddenly, taking the flare and stepping in front of Zack before Brendon has time to pull him back. Brendon’s actually reaching out with an open, shaking hand, watching Ryan’s back disappear down the stairs with wide, scared eyes. 

“C’mon,” Mikey prods, moving forward, the broken expression gone and replaced with something as strong as steel. It’s easier if they’re following Ryan. Gerard knows, as does the rest of his family, that Ryan would do everything to save all of them. That doesn’t stop Brendon from stumbling in his hurry to catch up to Ryan, and Gerard wishes he’d opted to stay another day in the room when there’s a sharp clatter following a shout of fear, then Brendon screaming Ryan’s name.

Ray is around the corner and flying down the stairs with Frank. Gerard looks down and can see a zombie on top of someone, head low meaning it’s mouth is dangerously close to this person’s face. Then Frank’s bat collides with the thing’s skull. It falls to the side and Frank stands over it, slamming the bat again and again into its head.

Brendon jumps the last three steps to the landing and pulls Ryan up. Ryan whirls around in his arms and drive the blade of his knife into the eye of a zombie. Then Ryan lifts up the flare to reveal the stairs are swarmed, the monsters fumbling over each other to gain ground.

“Fuck,” Mikey says.

“Get back up here!” Zack shouts. Brendon pushes Ryan up the stairs after Frank and Ray. He nearly trips and Ryan keeps him standing. Ryan pulls the gun from Brendon’s waist and shoots one of the things between their eyes. Another comes up as it falls and nearly takes a chunk out of Ryan’s wrist, moments before Brendon pushes Ryan through the door and Zack slams the stairwell door in the faces of the undead. 

Gerard’s almost positive the sound of the zombies scratching and moaning and screaming against the glass will haunt his mind for years.

Ray pushes down one of the bookcases that’s beside the door, hopefully keeping the horde from getting inside.

“Should we try the elevator?’ Frank asks in a rush of breath. Ryan’s being cradled in Brendon’s arms, expression shell-shocked and white as a sheet. “We’re only five stories up, maybe we can find a way down.”

“Yeah,” Zack says, backing away from the door. “Yeah, try that.”

The glass cracks.

. . .

Mikey tore up the sheets from their temporary home into strips and handed everyone a few. Gerard had seen enough movies back in the day to know how to slide down cables. Ray and Zack had already pried the doors open of the elevator and every had been relieved to see that the actual elevator was seven stories above them.

Ryan shows everyone how to wrap the sheets around their hands to keep the friction from actually burning through and melting the fibers into their skin. Gerard isn’t sure what Ryan’s done that could give him this type of information, and he probably won’t remember to ask later.

“No one’s afraid of heights, right?” Mikey asks. “I mean, in so much that they’d prefer to be eaten alive.”

“I think I can get over it in the next couple minutes,” Zack says with a grim expression.

Brendon pats Zack’s back, then steps forward and says, “I’ll go first.”

“No,” Ray outright denies without thinking much of it. “You can’t open the doors down there. Zack and I can. And we need someone who we know we can rely on to take out anything coming at us.”

“Meaning Ryan,” Brendon replies with a scowl.

Ray frowns and nods.

“Fuck,” Brendon bites out, turning away and looking somewhere else to hide whatever he was feeling.

Ryan doesn’t try to go to him. He just stands in front of the elevator shaft, grips the cable with his swathed hands, and hooks his right leg around the cable before pushing off and sliding down. He’s gone in seconds and Gerard holds his breath to hear anything that could be bad news for him below ground.

The cable rattles and that’s the sigh for Ray and Zack to join him. Then Frank and Mikey, then Gerard and Brendon last. 

As Gerard slides down the cable, he hears the door finally give in to the horde and he wonders what the hell they’re gonna do when zombies start dropping on their heads.

“Where’s Ryan?” Brendon demands as soon as their feet hit the ground. The ground is actually four feet below the elevator door and Gerard sees that they let out into a parking garage. Gerard doesn’t hear anything, really, and Ray has his hands out to help lift them up to the ground level. Brendon doesn’t even pause to thank them and goes straight to where Ryan is standing with Mikey, both surveying the parking garage. Brendon grabs Ryan’s wrist. “Don’t fucking leave like that again,” he grinds out through clenched teeth. “What if you’d gotten hurt?”

Ryan just shrugs, not meeting his eyes. He’s probably used to the passive aggressiveness that Gerard and Mikey and Ray would imply until Frank got pissed enough to do something drastic. Brendon’s angry and in-your-face about it when he is.

“Sorry,” Ryan finally relents, staring at the floor. Brendon sighs and runs a hand over his face.

“I’m sorry,” Brendon returns. “I just, I got scared. For you. I know it’s stupid. You can probably handle yourself better than all of us.”

Ryan just shrugs again.

“Ry,” he sighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “I-I know you don’t mean it like that. Demanding or anything. You, you were just worried. I get it, really.”

Brendon purses his lips, but nods and looks away like he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Gerard wants to say something when there’s a scream and the horribly jarring sound of flesh hitting concrete. 

“They’re dropping,” Ray says as he moves away from the elevator. “Do we wanna close this thing?”

“Yes,” Gerard says. “Too much noise.”

As Ray and Zack close the doors, the rest of them face the exit from the parking garage. You can hear growling and moaning coming from outside and it sounds look too much for them to take on. Ryan takes a deep breath and steps in front.

“Run it?” he asks.

Mikey nods, reaching back to hold Ray’s hand once the doors are closed.

“Run it,” Gerard confirms.

He smiles shakily at Frank and then follows Ryan as they begin to run.

. . .

Ryan leads them to the safest place they can be outside. He reaches a bank delivery truck with the doors open. Running is really just dodging bites as fast as you can. Zack was almost lost in the crowd and Brendon had even ran back to find him. Now that they have a safe place, Ryan jumps into the back of the truck and holds out his hand to help anyone who needs it. Loaded inside, he slams the doors closed and locks them. 

Ray’s climbing over a pile of cash and opening the steel door that leads into the front seat. The driver and passenger doors are closed. The keys are still in the slot. Frank actually crosses his fingers as Ray twists the key and the engine actually turns over. Ray gives a shout of excitement and Mikey slumps against Gerard in relief.

“Nearly a full tank!” Ray exclaims with an ear splitting grin. “We’re getting the fuck out of here!”

Brendon sits on the pile of cash and smiles too, head in his hands as he calms his breathing. Zack sits beside him and Frank sits beside Zack. “I can’t believe this,” Frank giggles. “This thing is the closest we could get to a tank. And it’s got tons of gas, sweet jesus. I didn’t think this kind of luck existed.”

“We’re gonna be okay,” Gerard gushes, sitting in front of Frank and holding his face to kiss him hard enough to bruise. The bubbling relief and happiness is infectious in the back of this truck. Mikey goes through the door to sit beside Ray and after he pulls away from Frank, Gerard can see Mikey reach over to hold Ray’s hand. 

“God, I could sleep forever after that,” Zack groans. “I think I will.” Then he promptly lies down with his head cushioned under a few wads of cash and passes out.

Gerard nods, tempted to sleep too, but then spots Ryan. Ryan’s still looking out the back windows of the door. Ray has pulled out and is now cautiously driving down the street because he’s never driven anything this big. Ryan looks tense. He doesn’t look like he should. He should be celebrating with the rest of them.

“Ryan,” Gerard sighs, standing to go to his side. “What’s wrong?”

Ryan shakes his head. “Got that bad feeling again,” he mumbles. 

Gerard bites his lip. “Don’t think about it, okay?” he asks. “It’s just gonna make you sick. Make you stress out. Stress can kill you, you know? We’ve got this truck and we’ve got plenty of gas. Ray’s heading for the desert. It’s gonna be okay.”

Ryan just shrugs and moves to sit in the corner, staring at the back doors. Gerard sighs and goes to sit by Frankie again, deciding not to watch Ryan anymore. He wants to relax after this small victory.

. . .

“We should get gas,” Ray says after an hour of driving. Gerard doesn’t know if they’re out of LA or not. Ray’d had to take a bunch of back roads to avoid pile ups and hordes so Gerard wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually lost. “There’s a gas station up ahead, looks pretty barren. Maybe we can siphon some gas in case shit goes south and we run out.”

“I’ll do it,” Ryan says. 

“I’ll go with him,” Zack adds.

“I’ll go t—”

“No.” Ryan cuts Brendon off sounding as cold as ice. “You’re staying here.”

Brendon scowls. “Really, Ross? You think you can just order me around? Maybe I’m not fucking Fullmetal Jacket like you, but I can handle myself out there.”

“It’s not safe,” Ryan argues in a flat tone. “You’re staying here. Honestly, I don’t want Zack to come. But he’ll fucking follow me anyways.”

Zack smirked a bit and nodded. “I’m with you, Ross.”

Ryan shakes his head, looking anxious. “You shouldn’t,” he tells Zack regardless of his previous statement. “It could be overrun on the inside.” Ray has pulled up in front of the station and is waiting patiently for a decision. “What if you get hurt? It’ll be on my hands.”

“Hurt?” Zack repeats with a scoff. “Jesus, have a little faith, kid. I can handle myself out there.”

Ryan grimaces. “I-I’d really like it if you stayed behind.”

“Not gonna happen,” Zack said firmly. “I’ll say it again. I’m with you. You’re not going alone in there anyways.”

Ryan purses his lips, looking away.

“So that settles it,” Gerard sighs. “Ryan and Zack are getting gas.” He moves to unlock the back doors as Ryan and Zack grab their weapons and stand, at the ready to jump out the back. “On three.”

. . .

“Open it, open it, open it,” Brendon is babbling as Gerard fumbles with the lock. 

Ryan’s slamming his fist on the door at the outside, but he’s not screaming. At least, he’s not screaming loud enough for them to hear over the zombies. Gerard can’t even count how many there are. Ryan had been right, the inside was swarming with them. Gerard doesn’t know if they got gas or not and he doesn’t really care. He’s more scared about how Zack had been leaning all his weight on Ryan when they’d been in view of the small window inside the truck.

“Fucking here,” Frank growls, pushing Gerard aside and shooting the lock with Brendon’s pistol. Gerard thanks whoever’s up there that there’s no ricochet as Frank tears the door open. Ryan hands him Zack, who’s ashen and trembling and bleeding badly from his side. Then Ryan climbs inside and shuts the door. 

“Where’s the lock?” Ryan gasps, covered in blood like Zack. When Gerard shakes his head, he looks around frantically before grabbing a crowbar lying on the floor and moving it between the handles to jam the thing shut. 

“Oh my god,” Brendon’s gasping, on his knees with Zack in his arms. “Fuck, w-what happened?” He’s looking down at Zack and that’s when Gerard sees the torn hole in his side. Zack’s been bit. “What the fuck happened out there, Ryan? What the fuck did you do?!”

Ryan’s expression shutters closed. Gerard’s too horrified at how Zack was moaning in pain to be mad at Brendon. He can’t help but think maybe Brendon’s right. Maybe Ryan did something that got Zack bit.

“Oh god,” Brendon whimpered, pressing his hands to the jagged wound, hopelessly trying to staunch the bleeding. “Oh, oh god, fuck, Zack…”

Zack can’t even speak. He’s looking up at Brendon with blood bubbling from his lips. He won’t die from the bite but from blood loss. Gerard can’t wrap his mind around the fact that he’s watching someone he cares about fade away slowly like this. True, Gerard barely knows Zack, but he’s still become part of Gerard’s conception of their group. Zack was the first person to make Ryan laugh.

“He’s suffering,” Frank mumbles, his expression oddly empty, like he’s detached himself from this.

Brendon sobs hard enough to hurt. Gerard slumps to the floor. Ray’s driving. There’s a roaring in Gerard’s ear that makes him feel like he’s falling.

“He’s suffering,” Frank repeats. “He’s, he’s hurting. What do we do?”

Ryan strides forward, takes the pistol, and aims it between Zack’s eyes. It happens too quickly to stop, but Gerard sees something like relief come over Zack when he sees the gun in Ryan’s hand above him. Ryan pulls the trigger and Brendon just screams. But he doesn’t attack Ryan like Gerard half expects him to. Ryan hands Frank back the gun and goes to sit in the same corner he’d had before.

“We’ll stop ahead,” Ray speaks out. “Somewhere safe. We can, we can bury him. Or burn him.”

Brendon’s crying too loud to be able to hear Ray. Gerard just nods to show they’ve heard. He sits back against the wall and reaches out to hold Frank’s hand, somewhat comforted by how Frank’s hand is trembling just like his.

Ray parks the car under a bridge for the night after they put Zack’s body out and burn it with a lighter Frank found.

No one says a word for the rest of the day

. . .

“I’m sorry,” Ryan chokes out the next morning. He’s probably the first to wake up and he looks like he’s been waiting for everyone else to wake up too. He’s crying and his eyes are bloodshot. Gerard suddenly realizes that Ryan hadn’t fallen asleep at all.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whimpers. His entire body is trembling. “I-I tried, I really did. There were so many of them a-and I got pushed over. And while Zack was getting it off me, he, he got bit. It was just, it was horrible, it grabbed him and just tore him apart and I tried to save him, b-but I fucking couldn’t and I’m so sorry.”

No one says anything for what’s probably a full minute. Ryan’s looks worse and worse with each passing second.

“I can leave,” Ryan whispers brokenly.

Brendon suddenly moves, a rush of color that makes Gerard blink to help his brain catch up. Brendon’s on his feet and he’s standing above Ryan. Ryan’s looking up at him like he’s the sun, terrifying and capable of killing Ryan with a word. Then Brendon drops to his knees right in front of Ryan and slaps him.

Gerard flinches at the sound and Frank growls, moving to his own feet to run to Brendon and do something, Gerard doesn’t know what. But before Frank can reach him, Brendon’s tilts his head and kisses Ryan.

Mikey lets out this soft gasp that matches Gerard’s shock. Ryan’s crying again, silent tears tracking down his face. Brendon doesn’t pull away from the kiss, eyes shut, mouth parting to part Ryan’s lips. After a long moment of intimate connection, Brendon pulls away. Then he sits beside Ryan, holds his hand, and wraps an arm around Ryan’s shoulder to pull him into Brendon’s side.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Brendon whispers.

Ryan doesn’t argue and cries quietly until he passes out from exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoopsie


	10. M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, hey, if you've been reading this to the end, then thanks
> 
> it was a fun project and i'm happy with how i've completed it
> 
> thanks for being here

“I don’t think it’s fair to say we can’t find anything out there,” Mikey says. It’s been barely a few hours since Brendon hit Ryan. Now they’re talking, trying to figure out what to do. Ryan still hasn’t woken up. Brendon won’t speak. Everything feels colorless and dull and Gerard wonders if he’s having a panic attack or a stroke. He can’t smell burnt toast. That’s a good sign.

“But what if we don’t?” Frank asks, looking like he hates being the devil’s advocate. “We could drive out there for miles and find nothing and we’ll die, somehow. Starvation or dehydration. Heatstroke. Could even be killed, Mikey. We could die out there.”

“We could die here too,” Mikey insists. “We could be killed anywhere! We’re dead if we stay and you think we’re dead if we go. I say we go and take our chances. There’s gotta be something out there that’ll be what we need. There are people who live out there with farms and stuff, we could find one of those and just live how we need!”

“I don’t want to gamble our fucking lives for this, Mikey!” Frank shouts. “I don’t want to put any more of us at risk! We’re already down one good man, what the fuck are we gonna do if we lose another?! Cause I can’t lose you, Mikey, or Ray, and definitely not Gerard! Losing Ryan or Brendon is unthinkable! We thought we were indestructible and untouchable but we fucking aren’t, Mikey! I’m not going to lose anyone else to our egos!”

“Then we’re gonna lose people to these monsters,” Mikey growls. Gerard really wishes they would stop yelling. Their voices reverberates through the metal of the truck and they pierce Gerard’s ears like needles. “There’s hundreds, thousands, fucking millions of them out there. We can’t fight them all and we can’t run forever. We have to stop hiding and we have to start searching for something better, something safer. We need something where we can finally slow down and just breath again and laugh as loud as we can without being scared of something coming to find us and tear us limb from limb.” Mikey pauses, breathing shallowly.

“I’m tired of being afraid,” Mikey whimpers.

“Fuck,” Frank sighs, finally calming down and running a hand over his face. “Fuck, Mikey… I’m sorry. I get it.”

Mikey just shrugs. Ray comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Mikey’s waist, pulling the smaller man into his chest, ducking his head and placing a kiss to Mikey’s neck. Mikey only barely relaxes, but it’s something. Gerard wants to hug his brother. Ray’s doing it for him. 

Mikey turns in Ray’s arms and hides his face in the man’s chest, utterly silent.

“I wanna go out,” chimes in a quiet, hollow voice. It’s Brendon, sitting in the back. He looks like he regrets hitting Ryan. Or he regrets kissing Ryan. Gerard really hopes he regrets the slap, not the kiss. Ryan wouldn’t be able to take the mix up and just sit back and let Brendon say the kiss was a mistake. Ryan would take that as him being a mistake. Gerard’s really scared Brendon will be the one to kill Ryan.

“I wanna keep going,” Brendon says. “Keep looking for something. Zack wanted to find a place. We should do what he wanted.”

“It’s fucking suicide,” Frank says.

“Waking up every morning in this hell is its own special brand of suicide,” Brendon counters. That shuts everyone up for a moment. Gerard hates the silence almost as much as he hates the noise.

“We gotta decide where we’d prefer to die,” Brendon says after a pause. “And I’d prefer to die out there, looking for something good. Something that can give us a home, some place where we can stay and build the best life we can out here. Who knows, maybe the military will show up. Maybe we’ll see some plane go overhead and we’ll be called to a militia, I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here. I wanna be out there. I’ve watched too many people die here.”

Frank finally relents. “We’ll keep going,” he sighs. “We’ll need more gas.”

“Ryan isn’t going out again,” Ray says firmly. At least all of them can agree on that without discussion.

. . .

When Ryan stirs, they’re out of the lingering cities at the outskirts of LA. Ray says he’s going to head in the direction of Palm Springs. Gerard’s actually surprised by how few zombie masses they’ve passed at this point. He also knows they were lucky that the roads they took were mostly clear.

When Ryan opens his eyes, he looks like he’s ready to cry again. Gerard pinpoints the exact moment that Ryan feels fear from seeing all of them staring at him. Ryan’s eyes flash with an unnamable emotion and he pushes himself even further into the corner with the soles of his shoes, a whimper escaping his lips that makes Gerard’s heart ache. So Gerard acts first and moves slowly to sit in front of Ryan, pulling the man into his arms and hugging him to his chest.

“None of us blame you,” he whispers to Ryan, who’s trembling but relaxing in Gerard’s grip. “We know it wasn't your fault. We know you’d die for all of us.”

Ryan chokes on a noise of pain and Gerard can feel him nod. 

“We love you, Ryan,” Gerard tell him softly. Ryan sobs. The sound makes Gerard feel sick because he knows Ryan doesn’t deserve to feel like this. He’s only ever done what was best for everyone else.

Brendon sits on the ground Ryan and places his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. Ryan looks up, but then ducks his head again when he sees it’s Brendon, like he’s ashamed of something. Knowing Ryan, he probably is. He probably can’t stop thinking about the slap. Or maybe the kiss. Gerard doesn’t know, he’s so very confused. And things aren’t getting any clearer because no one knows how to speak their mind anymore.

“Hey, Ry,” Brendon greets gently. “Look at me please?”

Ryan looks up after a moment of hesitation. 

“Hey,” Brendon greets again, smiling a bit. “Hey, baby…”

Ryan and Gerard both visibly start at the term of endearment. Brendon glances to Gerard and says something with his eyes that makes Gerard move away from Ryan, but not before kissing the top of his head. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so protective and almost maternal about Ryan right now, he just knows that someone has to be when Ryan is as fragile and scared as a smile child hiding from monsters.

Brendon moves to sit directly in front of Ryan and he holds Ryan’s face in one of his hands. “So, I’ve really been thinking, Ry,” he begins, expression calm. Ryan starts to tense. “I know you still want me. Like, that way, romantically and shit. And I know the rest of them know that too. I’m pretty sure Zack had the idea too, for a while. And I was thinking really hard last night about what I want versus what I need, and I was being stupid and putting them in separate boxes when really, what I want and what I need are the same thing.”

Ryan looks like he’s scared to feel hopeful. 

“Maybe it was different before all this,” Brendon keeps saying, not throwing Ryan a line. “I mean, that world was cluttered and hard. The littlest problems built up to become the biggest nightmare of our days, but now, in the light of all this? It was all bullshit. It was petty arguments and annoyances that don’t mean anything anymore. Where someone left the car keys instead of where they belonged is probably the stupidest thing to worry about right now. 

“And worrying about how the world will see me is even stupider,” Brendon giggles. “I mean, what the hell has my public image given me? It must not have been that important because it didn’t last into this world. Only the things that really mattered matter to us anymore. Like our friends and families and our lovers. The things we’d die for and the things we live for. What’s truly right or wrong, how life is precious and what we’re willing to sacrifice so others can live.

“You’re the best example, Ryan. You’ve shown time and time again that you care about us, all of us. Every person in this truck is someone you’d die to save. You prove that by how you either lead everyone into the danger that we can’t avoids you’re the first to go down, or how you always bring up the lead to protect everyone’s backs so they can look ahead. And I know that you finally trust Gerard and them to do the same for you. 

“I’m hoping you’ll trust me like that too, one day. I wanna be someone that you can trust to take care of you and watch your back and not leave you behind. I already know what you’re willing to give for me, so I want you to one day know that I’d give up the same for you.”

When Brendon pauses, Ryan takes in a shaky breath, then asks, “why?”

Brendon’s smile widens. “Because I love you, dummy.”

Ryan’s breath catches and his eyes go wide as Brendon leans in and kisses him again, just like he’d done the other day. Gerard moves back to give them room as Ryan lets out this noise of something against Brendon’s lip before surging forward, arms moving around to clutch at the back of Brendon’s shirt and just hold on like he’s scared Brendon will slip away. Brendon hums softly and leans back so Ryan can lean into him in a way that has to be a bit more comfortable.

“Everything okay?” Mikey calls from the front of the car where he’s trying to help Rya navigate.

Ryan darts apart from the kiss, startled out of it. He looks at Brendon and tries to move away, always ready to believe that he was the mistake being made. But Brendon smiles at him and holds on tight, keeping Ryan against his chest. “It’s perfect,” Brendon tells Mikey.

It’s cryptic enough for Mikey to turn in his seat and look into the back to investigate. Gerard sees the moment Mikey understands what is happening and grins as his little brother squeaks, then turns around and gushes to Ray about what he’d seen. Brendon runs his fingers through Ryan’s long, curly hair with a smile, focusing on only Ryan and letting everything else fill the background.  
 Frank crawls to Gerard, grinning like a loon, and wraps his arms around Gerard, pushing him down to the floor of the truck and settling in his lap. He leans down to kiss Gerard, pawing at his chest like a cat, and Gerard’s heart swells. Everything just feels light and fresh and happy. The darkness of losing their friend is always in the back of their minds, yes, but Gerard feels like they can exist in this happiness while still mourning. It doesn’t seem like it’s disrespectful. He’s sure Zack would be very supportive of Ryan and Brendon if he was still with them.

“I’m kinda really fucking excited right now,” Frank breathes into Gerard. 

Gerard giggles and holds onto Frank’s hips before flipping him over and dominating the kiss. “Fucking perfect,” he agrees, and he can hear Ryan laughing just to his left, so yeah, fucking perfect sounds just right.

. . .

“We’re at Palm Springs,” Ray says. “And we’re on empty.”

“Okay,” Frank says, standing from where he’d been napping with Gerard on the floor. Mikey is actually at the wheel now. Gerard isn’t sure when he and Ray switched, but it dawns on him that they should probably set up shifts for driving, though they usually stop at a safe place and huddle together for the night.

“There’s a couple gas stations up ahead,” Ray says. “We’re gonna stop there, right? Seems pretty empty. This whole place seems empty.”

“I’ll bet shit went down in LA and everyone else panicked and left,” Frank sighs. “Maybe it even started in LA. I mean, that’s good, right? I’ll bet there’s not many zombies here at all. Fuck, I’ll bet there’s supplies and stuff and we’re gonna walk away from this with fucking awesome loot.”

“I’m gonna go,” Ryan says. 

“No, you’re not,” Gerard replies.

Ryan frowns. “Yes, I am,” he says firmly. “I’m going out there. I’m not fucking losing it, Gerard. I want to go out there. I want to be useful.”

“You are useful,” Gerard says. “You’re always useful. You’re fucking amazing, Ryan, and you’ve given so much for all of us. So please, can you just let us give it back? We want you to just, like, relax. As much as you can.”

Ryan frowns and shakes his head. “I’m going.”

“Please, don’t,” Gerard begs.

  “I have to,” Ryan says. “Fuck, I’d like to go alone if that’s okay.”

“Nope,” Mikey calls out. “I’m going with you, Ross.”

“So is Brendon,” Brendon says with a cheeky grin. “Brendon’s going. Enjoy having Brendon at your side.”

“If you die,” Ryan begins shakily, but Brendon cuts him off. 

“I’m not gonna die.” Brendon leans in to kiss Ryan’s cheek. “I’m gonna live forever with you. We’re gonna live fucking forever and it’s gonna be awesome.”

Ryan bites his lip and looks really nervous.

“It’ll be okay,” Brendon reassures him. “I promise.”

“Okay,” he chokes out, nodding. “O-okay.”

Brendon grins and waves to Mikey in the rearview. “I’m with you!”

“Makes it a party,” Mikey replies with a grin. “We’re gonna be fine, Ry! There’s nothing out there. Literally nothing. We’re gonna be perfectly safe and it’s going to be okay, and then we’re gonna be on the road again and finding us a home.”

Ryan just leans in to hide his face in Brendon’s neck.

“Pulling up now,” Mikey tells them. “Get ready to rumble.”

. . .

Ryan doesn’t come back the first time with Mikey and Brendon. But they aren’t worried. Brendon’s actually smiling wide as he juggles three full gas cans. Mikey has four and Gerard doesn’t believe their luck. Brendon actually goes back for two more cans of gas. When he comes back, Ryan is behind him, carry a plastic bag full of something with sharp edges. Mikey leaves and comes back with bags nonperishable foods. 

“It’s like everyone ran on foot,” Mikey says as he organizes everything in their own place. Brendon comes back with another whole batch of food and Gerard doesn’t know if they’ll all fit in the truck anymore.

He looks to see what Ryan has and gapes when he sees the CDs.

Mikey catches Gerard’s eye and grins. “We’ve got a shitty CD player in the front. Ryan saw them first and just pounced. You should’ve seen the light in his eyes, Gee. It was like watching fireworks. It was kinda awesome. And Brendon got excited too, and I did, like, a lot. Can you imagine? Hearing music again?” He smiles to himself. “Just… It’s a thought, isn’t it?”

“It’ll be amazing,” Gerard tells him, reaching over to tousle his brother’s hair. “I love you, Mikey,” he says.

Mikey looks to him with a crease in his brow, but nods. “I love you too, Gee. Is this a, like, parting words thing? You’re not dying on me. You’re not leaving me, Gee.”

“No, I’m not,” Gerard hums. “Just want you to know. I love you.”

Mikey smiles and repeats, “I love you, too.”

“I love you both!” Frank says when he finds the chocolate bars that are probably not any good, but Frank will still eat. “Jesus, this is gonna be like sex. It won’t be as good as what me and your brother get up to, by the way, Mikey, but it’s gonna be fucking awesome.” He begins to pull apart the plastic, then actually smells the chocolate. “God, this is… I’m gonna cry. Or jizz my pants.” Frank grins at Gerard. “I wanna eat this off you.”

Gerard chokes on his laughter and shakes his head, but then winks. “Maybe later, Frankie.”

Frank giggles and waves Gerard off as he eats the chocolate bar, moaning between bites. Gerard blushes faintly and can’t wait until they can get each other alone again. He’s high on not being scared or watching his back like a paranoid schizophrenic and wants nothing more than to swallow those moans.

Ryan’s putting a CD into the slot, the volume turned way down low, probably just to be safe. Gerard perks up when David Bowie’s voice fills the truck. Frank moans extra loud. “That’s amazing, Ryan!” he calls out through the chocolate in his mouth.

Ryan just smiles at Brendon through the window. Then he climbs through and moves to sit with Brendon, who’s next to the tower of gas cans Brendon’s making to save space. Brendon looks to him and purses his lips oddly, but Ryan recognizes the gesture and ducks in to kiss Brendon chastely, just a peck of their lips. Brendon laughs when it’s over and waggles his brow at Ryan like a cartoon character. Ryan smiles wider and nudges Brendon playfully.

Gerard’s going to get cavities from how cute they are and he’s stuck in the middle of an apocalypse. 

Frank’s suddenly in front of him, nibbling on the bar, eyes wide and beseeching. Gerard smirks up at him and then Frank literally shoves his way into Gerard’s lap after being pulled to sit on the ground. Frank offers the chocolate bar to Gerard, who smiles and shakes his head. “All yours, baby,” he says. “Enjoy it. Mikey doesn’t have a lot of them.”

“He had this one,” Frank says. “More than I’ve had in months. Fuck, Gee… I love you, but I may have to kiss you brother for this.”

“Your lips are not touching mine,” Mikey says firmly to Frank as he shuts the back doors and climbs into the front of drive. Ray sits up in his seat and grins at Mikey. Mikey grins back. “All yours and only yours, Ray.”

“Then how do I show how grateful I am?” Frank demands in a despondent voice. Gerard’s laughing and Ryan and Brendon are smiling somewhere out of view. This couldn’t have gone any fucking better.

. . .

They’ve pulled over on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes Gerard catches Mikey looking into the darkness for lights, like maybe someone else is out there. Gerard wants to do the same, but he also doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Hopes hurt when they fall. And Mikey needs this anyways to help him feel grounded, like there is something to hope for out there at al.

Gerard rolls over from the floor and looks to Frank, who’s sleeping on Gerard’s arm like a pillow. Gerard can’t feel that limb anymore, but it’s worth it for Frank. He smiles at him and runs his fingers through Frank’s hair, who sniffles and nuzzles against Gerard in his sleep. Gerard’s heart skips a beat and he almost coos at Frank like he’s some sort of child. And yeah, Gerard misses his daughter like he’d miss his own head, but Frank makes the pain just a little more easier to bear. Gerard knows he’s be dead if he hadn’t had Frank.

There’s a crash and Gerard snaps up, jostling Frank who wakes up in record time. Mikey yelps in surprise and Brendon groans, sounding like he’d hit his head or pulled something. Ryan’s moving to the back doors, where the crash had come from, crouched low, knife held expertly in his hand.

He moves up a bit and looks out the small, square back window, tensing slightly at what he sees.

“What is it?” Brendon hisses in the dark.

Ryan puts his fingers to his lips, then creeps to the front, climbing over and slipping out of the passenger door. Brendon looks panicked for a second and makes to go after Ryan, but Ray puts a hand on Brendon’s shoulder because Brendon is not stealthy when he’s scared. Mikey is at the square window where Ryan was before, looking out. 

“There’s just one,” Mikey whispers to them all. “Just one, looked like it was just wandering. Oh, Ryan’s killed it. Yeah, it’s dead. Gross. God, it got on the truck, that’s disgusting.”

“Is he okay?” Brendon asks with urgency. Ryan comes back in through the passenger door, wiping off his knife against the bottom of the seat. Brendon scrambles back to Ryan, opening his arms for Ryan when Ryan climbs back into the back. Ryan smiles at him and slides to his knees, sitting with Brendon.

“Was it just one?” Ray asks. Ryan nods.

“Nothing else out there,” he assures them. “It’s quiet. Could probably take a walk and be safe.”

“Fuck walking,” Mikey sighs, lying down next to Ray. “I’m getting some fucking sleep. You can enjoy your walk or whatever. Just wake me up when we’re leaving.”

Gerard relaxes, happy Mikey won’t be staring out at the darkness anymore. He lies back down again with Frank, head pillowed on the duffel back full of food. It isn’t soft, but it’s elevation. Frank curls up at Gerard’s side and rests his head on Gerard’s chest, practically purring when Gerard lifts his hand to drag his fingers through Frank’s hair. 

“Get some sleep,” Frank yawns as he drifts off. Gerard nods and eventually follows suit.

. . .

Ryan nudges him awake that morning. 

“We’re surrounded,” he whispers.

Gerard sits up, blinking away the sleep. “What?”

“We’re surrounded,” Ryan repeats.

“Fuck,” Gerard says.

Ryan nods. “No one else is awake. And the zombies don’t know we’re in here. But they’re everywhere, Gee. They’re walking, but there’s too many. If they find out we’re in here, we’re dead. That’s it.”

“Keep everyone quiet,” Gerard murmurs. “We don’t move.” 

“They could see inside,” Ryan whispers. “They could break the glass. They could smell us.”

“Fuck,” Gerard says again. “Fuck.”

Ryan swallows and looks visibly worried like Gerard’s never seen before. “What do we do?”

“Can we get to the roof?” Gerard asks. 

Ryan looks around, then up, and notices a door above their heads. He nods. “Probably.”

“Let’s do it,” Gerard says, sitting up to nudge everyone else awake, covering their mouths so no noise could have a chance to escape their lips. He points up to where Ryan is going up on his toes to try and unlock the doors above. When Gerard wakes Ray up, Ray helps Ryan, and they open the doors as silently as possible.

Frank is looking out one of the back windows with wide, scared eyes. Gerard takes his hand and pulls him to the middle of the truck, below the doors.

“Ryan first,” Gerard orders. 

Ryan immediately shakes his head. “I can stay,” he whispers. “In case the doors come in. I gotta watch—“

“Ryan first,” Gerard repeats. He sees Brendon give him a look of gratitude.

Ray nods, then moves forward, wrapping his hands around Ryan’s skinny waist and lifting him. Ryan flails and only barely catches himself before he yelps and reaches up, going on top of the roof. Gerard hopes the top isn’t too hot from the sun.

“Brendon next,” Gerard says. He knows Ryan will be a lot more cooperative is Brendon is up there with him. Ray gets Brendon up, then reaches out for Frank, who Gerard pushes forward. Then Gerard pushes Mikey, but Mikey shakes his head.

“Not without Ray,” Mikey says. Gerard doesn’t have time to argue before Ray grabs Gerard and helps him up. Frank’s there, arms out, looking relieved when Gerard surfaces. Ryan and Brendon are crouched up near the front, looking out. When Gerard gets up, he can see what Ryan was talking about. They’re in the middle of a horde, a giant mob of what was probably hundreds upon hundreds of the undead, all heading to LA. It's like a sea of corpses and he’s never been more grateful for leaving the city.

Mikey’s beside Gerard in a few moments, helping Ray up. Then they pull the doors up and shut and every just sits as close to the middle as they can, staring out at the monsters parting around their truck like the ocean. The growls of the undead fill the air and everything smells like rotting meat. Gerard feels nauseous. 

“This is fucking surreal,” Frank murmurs to him. Gerard can barely hear him over the groans. “I never imagined I’d live through the apocalypse.”

Gerard shrugged. “Me neither,” he admitted. “I dreamed about it, but I always figured I wouldn’t last a day. Not really, you know? Anything longer would’ve been just well wishing and survival instincts. I figured I wasn’t actually cut out for this.”

“We did pretty well,” Frank says with a smile.

Gerard returns the smile and nods. “We did,” he hums, reaching over to hold Frank’s hand. “We made it.”

“So far,” Frank agrees.

“So far.”

. . .

It takes what has to be hours for the zombies to finally bleed out and disperse. Gerard hopes there is no one left in the city. If there are, they’re as good as dead. He tries to forget all the memories he’s made in that beautiful city. He knows he has to let go.

“What’s that?” Brendon calls out, shielding his eyes against the sun and pointing to something far in the distance. Gerard looks and squints. He sees something, just a blot of darkness way out in the nothing of the desert. “Dude, we should check it out! It could totally be something amazing! Or, like, a place to hide! Or a roller coaster! I don’t know why that last one matter to me.”

“We should check it out,” Mikey agrees. “Could be something.”

“Could be anything,” Frank says. “Like, something bad. Fuck, that could be, like, a herd of them. Herd? Hoard.”

“A hoard just passed through,” Gerard reminds him. “That’s too small. And too geometrical. It could be something military. It could be something good, like a place to hide. I think we should check it out too.”

Frank sighs. “Fine. Just, let’s be careful. Please.”

“Always,” Ryan affirms as he opens the doors into the truck. “C’mon, let’s get moving.” He stands back and waits for everyone to get back into the truck before sliding in and shutting the doors above with Ray’s help. 

Then Ray climbs into the front, turns over the engine, and heads for the whatever they saw. Gerard hopes this doesn’t get them killed. 

. . .

It’s a farm.

A kinda shitty farm, overrun and worn and dulled by the sun. But the structure is solid and there are just a bunch of chickens running around. It’s dusty inside, but it looks homey. Ray goes into the back and finds a well, a fucking well. And once he figures out how to work the pulley, he brings up a bucket of water that Frank swears is edible. Ryan’s looking around like he doesn’t believe this place is real and Brendon finds a bed and immediately starts jumping on it. 

There’s a broken pen that Gerard thinks the chickens originally lived in. They’re in the desert so they probably couldn’t grow food, but eggs are good, and there are probably wild animals living around here, wandering in to hunt the poultry. Plus, they have so much supplies. Gerard estimates it’ll last them a month, maybe longer if they’re smart.

Inside, there are separate rooms with ratty beds and dusty sheets and blankets. Gerard knows that it has to get cold out here at night, but he’s sure they have plenty to keep themselves warm. And he becomes even more sure of that when Frank finds a basement full of canned foods and quilts and blankets and even dried meat.

“This can’t be for real,” Mikey breaths.

“We have to stay!” Brendon exclaims, giggling like a child. Ryan is watching him and smiling wide and Gerard nods. 

“We have to stay,” he repeats. He glances back to Ray and Frank, who nod their consent. “Then that settles it,” Gerard says. “We’re staying here as long as we can. This is, just, we can’t pass this up. This could be a good thing for a long time.”

“I want to set up a few alarms,” Ryan said. “Empty cans around us so we can hear if anything comes through. Then I’m gonna set up a ladder so we can get to the top of the truck. Maybe even drive out if we have to.”

“Can’t you relax, Ross?” Frank sighs. “This is a safe place.”

“It could be safer,” Ryan says, and Gerard agrees.

“I’ll help,” he tells Ryan, smiling. “But you gotta admit, this is the best thing we’ve found since it all went to shit. We can stay, right?”

Ryan nods. “We can stay.”

Frank lets out a whoop of joy and jumps onto Ray’s back. “This is our fucking home!”

. . .

That same night, after everything is locked away and Ryan says he’s happy with the cans he set around their new home, Frank pins Gerard to the bed they chose and fucks him into the mattress, slowly and perfectly, swallowing the moans Gerard makes with a devilish grin and breathtaking kisses. 

Gerard doesn’t even bother with trying to keep quiet. He cums with a shout and Frank follows, laughing a little and it’s weird and yet weirdly perfect, because that just seems like something Frank would do. And all Gerard wants is Frank, pure Frank, only Frank, and he’s getting it, so he couldn’t be happier. He can feel Frank moving deep inside him, filling him in the most heavenly way, and knows that this moment could not be any more perfect than it already is, so achingly wonderful, a moment he knows he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

He knows Mikey and Ray are doing the same in the next room. He hopes Ryan and Brendon are maybe even doing something similar. It’s not about the sex, not anymore. It’s about being with the person you love more than anything and celebrating being alive and feeling and breathing together in the most intimate way possible. Gerard loves it and he loves Frank. He loves being with him like this. It makes him feel more human than ever before.

“I love you,” he gasps. “I fucking love you, Frankie. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Frank chuckles, ducking his head to kiss Gerard for the millionth time, and it’s still never enough. “God, you feel so good, Gee. Think you can go again?”

“For you?” Gerard breathes, smiling. “Anything.”

Frank laughs in delight, lifting Gerard’s leg and slinging it over his shoulder before pushing into Gerard again and kissing him hard enough to bruise. Gerard can hear Mikey shouting through the wall and thinks it’s probably kinda weird to have sex while hearing his brother have sex, but he also doesn’t care. He’s alive and Frank’s alive and all of them are alive and it feels good.

. . .

Epilogue.

. . .

They’re lying on the roof of the farm in the middle of the night.

There’s about fifty or something more walking around their home, but none of them are worried. Ryan’s got a gun and they have blankets up here with them. Mikey is lying in Ray’s lap, whispering and pointing up at the sky, talking about constellations and planets. There were some books in the basement and Mikey’s been pouring over them like water.

Gerard’s not paying attention to Mikey. He’s looking to Ryan and Brendon.

Ryan is splayed out on a quilt decorated with scenes from a children’s book as Brendon kisses his neck, marking him and making Ryan gasp. It’s probably creepy for Gerard to watch, but he’s never seen Ryan look like this, never seen Ryan’s expression so relaxed and blissed out. Every worry line is gone from Ryan’s face. He’s breathing deeply and there’s just absolute pleasure on his face. Gerard’s going to look away if things get any more heated, but for now he just wants to watch Ryan look this good.

“Gee,” Frank whispers. Gerard turns to look at him, smiling at Frank with the background groans and whispers of the undead. “Hey, wanna make out like them?”

Gerard giggles and rolls his eyes. “Gimme a sec,” he says. “Let me try and pencil you in. Is Tuesday good for you? Seven P.M.?”

Frank pouts and paws at Gerard’s stomach like a cat. “Please?”

Gerard giggles again and shakes his head, pressing a finger to his lips and then pointing at Brendon and Ryan.

Frank lies on Gerard’s stomach and watches them with a happy hum. Gerard turns to look again. Brendon has his hand up Ryan’s shirt and Ryan’s letting out these breathy little mewls that make Gerard blush, though he isn’t sure why. Then Ryan turns his head and sees them watching. Frank gives him some cheesy thumbs up gesture and Ryan flips him off before shuddering and gasping as Brendon does something that must feel amazing under his shirt.

Gerard grabs Frank and makes him roll over so their backs are to Ryan and Brendon. Frank giggles and kisses Gerard. “They’re happy,” he tells Gerard. “And they’re gonna have hot and steamy sex once we’re back downstairs. Now it’s your job to make me happy with hot and steamy sex.”

Gerard chuckles and gropes Frank shamelessly through his pants. Frank moans and rocks his hips forward and Gerard pulls his hand away.

“Tease,” Frank growls.

Gerard means to say something when he suddenly hears something else in the night. A steady thrum, the sound of a machine. Ryan and Brendon stop their necking and looking to the sky just in time to see a helicopter fly past them. 

It’s heading towards the city, towards LA. Gerard feels hope, for the first time, that maybe, just maybe, the human race survived in big enough numbers to become organized. Fuck, maybe there’s a government out there. 

Brendon shoves a silent fist into the air. 

Gerard laughs and can’t agree more.

Maybe tomorrow, they’ll talk about moving on, heading out, heading to the east. There might be something towards Washington and maybe they’ll find more survivors that are thriving. 

Gerard doesn't know what they’re going to do, but he knows he’ll be with his family until he end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thanks
> 
> have a good day
> 
> <3


End file.
